April 24, 2012

FIW Posts: Words from a Guest

Through the magic that is this week
I have acquired... an indentured servant if you will.
More on that later tonight.
Prepare yourselves, my dear friends [and associates],
for the first guest blogger on the Wacko Monologues ever!
Here to present his views on Loyola theatre and myself,
I'd like to introduce to you all Matt Rosenthal.

~


Hi Everybody,
As Charles just said, my name is Matt Rosenthal and I'm his freshman servant for this second day of FIW. Right off the bat I'd like to apologize if this isn't the most well written entry, as I'm new to blogging. With that being said I guess I'll offer my take on Loyola theatre.

Coming from a Catholic all-boys high school in Baltimore City, I was instantly surprised how much one could get away with in college theatre. I acted all throughout high school, and all of the plays/musicals that were done were pretty average in terms of raunchiness. Some stage violence, maybe a use of the word "damn," nothing special. However when I got here I felt a great sense of freedom. Sex, violence, there's not much that can't really be done on the college level. Secondly, after being cast in "The Rimers of Eldritch," I immediately noticed the sense of camaraderie within the cast and crew. The high school I came from was dramatic to say the least. The cast was always split into at least two parts and didn't really agree on a single thing together. This isn't the case here. It's everyone together and although there may be some disagreements, most if not everyone, would step up if one man or woman goes down. A great example of this is the last show of "Titanic" when one cast member injured himself 3 scenes into the show. Instantly everyone stepped up their game and we were able to finish the show, with people filling in for him in scenes and others taking his lines. That's a sign of not a few good friends, but a family. With Loyola theatre, I truly feel like it's a family.

Now onto my companion for the day Charles.
I see Charles as my mentor/idol here at Loyola. When I was nervous and freaked out on my first call with Event Services, I looked at Charles to give me help, since he was the only person I knew pretty much. I see the way he carries himself and I try to mimic it. Charles has his own sense of style and confidence about himself, a characteristic which I can only hope to try to attain in the next few years. It's also one of the reasons I picked him for my impersonation. I'll be honest and say that I didn't give it a whole lot of thought, which is something I dearly regret. I took a quick walk back to my room and started to realize what I had forgot to include in my impersonation. From this blog, to jokes about Events Services, and especially the way he dances. When I woke up this morning and read the impression post on here, I was instantly frustrated and got kinda down. I hate disappointing people and to disappoint someone I look up to made it 10x worse. I wish I could spend more time with Charles, cause I feel like I could learn a lot from him. I also wish him the best of luck in the future and hopes he visits sometime next semester.
Well I better get going, it's been an honor and a pleasure to be the first guest writer on the Wacko Monologues and an honor to be Charles' servant for the day.

Wishing peace, love, and good music since 1993,
Matt Rosenthal

~

...what, I'm not crying. What are you talking about?
Good job, Matt. Excellent post.
Word.

FIW Posts: The Art of Impersonating

For one odd reason or another,
a certain group I'm involved in
held a night of upperclassmen impersonations.
Overall the freshmen and other newbies renditions of their elders provide hilarious.
However, a few managed to fall flat,
one of which happens to be the lad who portrayed yours truly.

Out of all the freshmen,
I expected him to do the best job of doing me.
We knows me in two different areas of my campus life. I had him over half an hour ago to inform him how he failed me.

For starters,
he didn't talk but mumbled the whole time.
Yes, I have had struggles with my speech impediment in the past,
but for the purposes of an impersonation
he should have moved pass that obstacle in a comical way
and proceed into a hysterical monologue
that involved various aspects of my life.
He harped on one topic only: one of my mishaps with a boy.
To top it off, his portrayal was the shortest of all the acts.
I wanted more bang for my buck.

In his defense, my standards were very high.
A lad two years ago annihilated me with his rendition of Charles Clark.
He managed to include this blog, the various men I had hit on,
and he managed to copy a drunken dance of mines nearly perfectly.
Also his make-up and wardrobe were more on point.
He actually managed to steal my clothes his year.

In the past, some impersonators may have gone too far,
spilling a bit more T (truth) than necessary.
There have also been people who are too sensitive.
But this year all seemed to be fine.
All jabs were taken in jest with the best of spirits.

But I will say this.
The lad who impersonated me isn't done yet.
I have something in store for him tomorrow
that you will all be able to witness.
I am is master for the next 23 hours after all.
Word.

April 10, 2012

Queer Offspring

A couple weeks ago, I used Facebook to creep
on a guy from high school who has a kid now.
The little guy has to be at least two.
That freaks me out, man:
the thought of people I know having kids.
I went to an all boys high school,
so teenage pregnancy wasn't really a thing.

As a queer, I consider it lucky that I can never have an unexpected child (unless one of my sisters die and I'm charged with taking care of their seeds but perish that thought).
Still, the idea of kids is a weird thing in general. No matter what, a third party has to get involved.

Back in the days when I thought I was straight, I was dead set on having three boys:
Charles Montgomery, Maverick, and Vincent.
Don't ask me why I picked Maverick;
I was a weird kid, all right.
And I feel like my first born would be pretentious,
so Montgomery fits as a middle name.
But now there's like a 66% chance the kid
wouldn't be related to me when I am ready to be a dad
and that blows my high.

There's always the option of the whole sperm mixing thing
but I have a feeling I'm going to end up with a white guy.
It'll be clear whose kid it is.

So now's the time I ask myself: do I really want kids?
Does it really matter if they're related to me?
I feel as if I'd really have to be ready for a kid in my life
to accept an adopted child.
Otherwise I'd always be thinking, "You ain't mines,"
and that's not fair to them.

Before I can even have a kid, though,
I need a husband or partner
or whatever they'd want to be called.
I really don't care either way.
As long as I get to call you mines
and I'm yours, I'm happy.
I'm a romantic like that.

I wonder how NPH and Burtka operate.
I feel like they're every romantic gay male's role models right now.

As a queer who's only had one boyfriend ever
I can see myself at 35 still waiting for a mate, let alone a kid.
I somehow doubt most adoption agencies
allow a single man/woman to take care of a kid.
Even if they do, it'd be an even harder battle
for a single gay guy/gal to adopt.

Would a woman be willing to carry a baby knowing
I'd be the only one taking care of him or her?
Even with a partner of my own,
I feel she would want to be involved.
It came out of her;
she's bound to be emotionally attached to some extent.
To be honest, I couldn't raise a kid by myself.
I don't see myself being anywhere near responsible or selfless
enough for that anytime in the near future.

I suppose in a way that answers my question.
I mean, obviously I don't want a kid now.
I'm only nearing my mid-20s;
there's too much responsible yet reckless living I have left to do.

However, I look forward to the day I find a guy to settle down with.
And if by some (likely) chance he doesn't want kids at all,
I'm patient enough to wait him out until he does.
That's what dogs are for, right?
Word

March 31, 2012

79) Blog for an entire month besides February



Hooray for me!
The end.
Word.

Naw, I'm joking. You guys get more of a finish than that.

I have to say, I did not think you guys would enjoy the revival of this blog as much as you did.
Then again, you all complimented it
before my posting became sporadic.
In any case, I just want to thank you.
Without you, I wouldn't have as much drive to write.
It's always flattering to know someone admires your work.
I'll see what I can do about keeping my ego in check.

Before going on this month long stint,
my work was suffering.
But this was basically P90x for writing.
I feel confident that I have a gift (of sorts).
I am a writer; I have no doubts about that now.

Some of you may have noticed I didn't post on St Paddy's Day.
It wasn't because I was drunk.
It was because the majority of you were.
I don't write to an audience that's not paying attention.
That's my excuse, and I'm sticking with it.
Besides, 30 days is a month about half the year.

A note about the poems, stories, and essays featured this month.
Yeah, those were basically my fill ins for days I felt too busy or uninspired.
Like my regular posts, some where more popular than others.
In a way, I'm glad I occasionally got lazy.
It gave me an excuse to put out my actual work.

So, what's next?
Welp, I'm taking a break, but it might not even last a whole week.
I still have a lot of posts I want to write.
Topics from hip-hop, sexuality, and race as usual.
To be specific though,
there's a post about Drake I've been sitting on since the fall
that desperately needs to be written before it becomes any more irrelevant.
There's also my Discovering Race series I need to continue.
I don't care if those are popular.
They're more of a self-discovery exercise I'm sharing with the world.
I can almost predict catching flack for one of them, though.
Suppose we'll find out in the coming months.

Again,
thank you for helping me make this month of blogging a successful one.
And don't forget to give me suggestions for post.
I have a box that yearns to be filled.
....yeah, I know what I wrote.
Ok, my dear friends [and associates].
Til the next one.
Word.

March 30, 2012

A Fashionable Post

My school is having their fashion show tonight,
so allow me to write vaguely today.

Most people know I own mostly funny t-shirts.
Some wouldn't consider that fashionable,
but I like to think of it as an off-kilter style sense.
I like to think I match well with the 3 cardigans and 3 hoodies I have at my disposal.
I could do better in the shoe department though.
Owning only 6 pairs of sneakers and 1 pair of dress shoes might seem modest,
but they are all over 1.5 years old.
My pair of Tan Air Forces have been with me for almost 5 years now,
and my blue Chuck Taylors have been around since freshman year of high school.
I just didn't actually wear them til I got to college.

Ok, so maybe I lack a certain gasp on appealing apparel.
I still have out-dated button up shirts from high school in my closet.
In my defense, I haven't worn them in at least a year... I think.
My 3 polos hardly get any play.
Same goes for the few dress shirts I have.
And like a true young man, I have one black suit, and the suit alone.

Now I'm depressed.
Now I'm realizing what a first world problem this is.

This is such a directionless post.

Can I just say I'm glad flannel came into my life,
as much of a hipster or lesbian that makes me?
I probably hated it in high school,
but it's such a go to option for me now.
I only have 4, but that have been good to me.
Especially you, blue and orange flannel shirt.
You are my favorite.

I'm not the only one that sees people walking down the street wearing something you like and want to snatch it of them right?
The only reason I don't is because I'm black
and doing such would reflect poorly on my race.
[insert appropriate emoticon and/or IM acronym]

I'm also know I'm not the only one that wants to tackle anyone you see wearing something you own, especially when you have it on the same day.

This is why I can get into shirts with nothing on them.
Anyone can own a plain red shirt or a lavender v-neck.
I need Uncle Sam pointing and saying "I want him" on my clothes.
Thank you.

Occasionally I think about wearing a dress.
You girls get to have all the fun.
This is probably why I have a slight urge to do drag.

Remember super long white tees and Jerseys?
Yeah, I never got into them either.

Snapbacks?
No thank you, sir.
I wear fitted hats I found on the bus
with a clear statement of irony.
Yeah... I didn't get into fitted caps while they were popular either.
I have a straw fedora that I adore to the death of me now, though.
I also have a collection of beanies from high school
that I revived because... yeah, that hipster thing again.
I'm such a poser.

Welp,
I think I've reached today's quota.
You guys have a good day now, ya hear?
Word.

March 29, 2012

Checker for Chubby

From a young age, I've been a firm believer
that big is as beautiful as skinny.
Never have I made fun of a fat person...
unless they started beef first,
then it's open season.
Shoot, I've even had my fair share of "big" crushes.
...no pun intended at all with that.

But there's something I've been wondering lately:
why is the idea of dating a bigger person so undesirable?
I understand the lust for a person with a fit physique;
they put in a lot of work (or have fortunate genetics) for their body.
However, pleasantly plump participants of the dating scene should be valid candidates for mates, too.

Traditionally speaking,
big women have naturally large posteriors and racks.
More times than not,
they're in proper proportion to the rest of their bodies.
Even more traditionally speaking,
flab was seen as a sign of wealth and prosperity
due to the lack of food for the common man of the day.
I'm thinking Louis XVII(?) era,
but I'm writing this too much on the fly to look it up.

I full support those who like bigger partners.
It is not a fetish.
The only time it goes too far is in the case of feeders,
assisting their partners reach ridiculous levels of fat.
That is true obesity.

Men are much more vain than women.
That's usually why you see hot women
with an out of shape guy.
They yearn for the inner.
Men are visual.
If it doesn't seem visually appealing, they want out.
Getting clowned by their friends doesn't help either.

Overall,
if you find a big girl or guy sexy
don't be upset with yourself.
Whether it be their confidence or size,
it's just something you're attracted to.

March 28, 2012

The Essayist: Boondocks Trinity


There was a time when I didn’t see color. It was beautiful. Those days in Newark, NJ during grammar and middle school seem so simple in comparison now. My best friend for the majority of those years was a Puerto Rican. He was one of the few non-black students in my school, but I welcomed him with open arms as my mother had taught me. It was only after I transferred during my 5th grade year that I discovered that my friend actually held roots from Portugal. I had mistaken the Portuguese spoken in his home for Spanish.
Even still, I remained ignorant of race through my career at an almost entirely black middle school. It was not until high school that I began to see racial divides and tensions. Though the population was still predominantly black, there were decent amounts of whites, Hispanics, and Asian students. Before, the distraction of girls helped push racial issues to the side. In high school, there were no girls.  This factor allowed the gloves to come off. Slurs and jokes, ranging from race and social status to gender and sexuality, were thrown around freely even in the classroom.
The cafeteria was the perfect place to have free flowing discussions and to review popular culture and televisions shows. During the earlier years of high school, Chappelle’s Show was championed as the best show on television for its brutally honest jokes and sketches. It was popular because it delivered harshness with hilarity, the perfect prescription to a generation that hates to be lectured and wants instant gratification. I quickly began to admire Chappelle’s style. When his show ended on Comedy Central in 2004, a void appeared. It was an abyss created by the lack of a black voice exposing the problems in today’s society. In 2005, the space was filled by a new show on Cartoon Network’s Adult Swim lineup called The Boondocks. It became the new voice of the young black generation and my new inspiration.
I laughed uncontrollably at the world Aaron McGruder had created while appreciating the message that was almost hidden in each episode. It wasn’t until the show’s first season ended that I became aware that the show was based on the comic strip by the same name. I felt obligated, as a young black man who deeply wanted to find a voice to educate his peers, to immerse myself deeper into the world McGruder produced to bring his vision to light.
Having lived in a white neighborhood and gone to a white Jesuit elementary school in Columbia, MD, McGruder decided to attend a predominantly black high school (Henderson, “A.M. Biography”). He felt it necessary to connect more with his black community. After high school, he attended the University of Maryland to obtain “a degree in Afro-American studies” (“A.M. Biography”). According to Ashyia Henderson, McGruder’s The Boondocks first premiered on the Hotlist Online website in 1996, after which it appeared in his college newspaper, The Diamondback, until there was dissention between the school and McGruder (“A.M. Biography”). Still determined to have his vision shared with those around him, he began submitting strips to the popular Hip-Hop magazine The Source in 1997. Soon after, the Boondocks began running in newspapers around the country in 1998 after McGruder was contacted by Harriet Choice of the Universal Press Syndicate (“A.M. Biography”).
What makes The Boondocks such a stand-out strip are the characters that McGruder presents. The main characters of the strip are Huey, Riley, and their grandfather Robert Freeman, often called Grandad. I believe Huey and Riley may be based loosely upon Aaron McGruder himself and his brother Dedric respectively, although McGruder denies Huey to be his alter ego (Kang, “Down”). Much like the McGruder brothers, Huey and Riley are removed from the comfort of their black neighborhood in Chicago to a white neighborhood. They then struggle to adapt to their new surroundings in Woodcrest.
Having come from black schools all my life to a primarily Caucasian university, I find myself with a sense of displacement at times. I struggle as those around me don’t fully understand the workings of the world as I do. They don’t see the same undertones in the media or in day-to-day conversation. I can only laugh quietly to myself whenever a joke that would have flown freely in high school pops into my head while in my Theology class. Were it not for the few other black students on campus, I might find myself completely at the mercy of the white culture around me.
Of all the characters in the Boondocks universe, I connect with Huey the most. We both see the world through constant critique, never truly satisfied with its current state. He is as much of a radical and free thinker as the man he is named after, Black Panther co-founder Huey P. Newton. Freeman is also a play on the term freedman, used to describe a freed slave. However, Huey does not necessarily feel free; he believes his people still have a long way to go before they can truly advance as a race. He wants all his black brothers and sisters to succeed, just as I do. We both are looking out for the best interest of black people, even if means disagreeing with the choices our people make. He believes the government is to blame for many failures in America; conspiracy theories are his forte. He’s very preachy and rarely smiles. In one strip, Huey reads the newspaper, as he is a well-read individual. He sees his horoscope, which happens to be highly specific this day: “You will continue to fervently hope Al Sharpton cuts his hair so that he may be taken more seriously by the masses – the irony of which will escape you” (“All the Rage”, 17). Huey plays ignorant to the message, but the irony is that he too sports an afro and is often disregarded by those around him. Sometimes people just don’t understand the message you want to give them.
Huey and Riley represent the two extremes of the black community. While Huey is the revolutionary, angry black kid you can’t stand to hear, Riley’s character is almost so ignorant and stereotypical that you have to love him. He’s also a believable character because I have actually met people like him. He is obsessed with the street life and will do whatever he needs to remain true to his culture in the midst of suburbia. He often puts down Huey or completely ignores him. He is the kind of black person I love to hate, because they are the type most likely to embarrass the whole race and typically look for the easy way out. For instance, when Riley learns about presidential pardons, he thinks it’s his chance to get away with anything he wants. He even sits down to write a letter to ex-President Clinton to set up a relation until Huey interrupts to inform that only the current president can grant pardons. Riley then exclaims, “Great!!! Well, this is the last time I make an effort to participate in government!!!” (“A Right…”, 112). Stereotypical black people, like Riley, are only concerned with learning or helping when it directly benefits them. McGruder, Huey, and I all share a deep distaste for such acts of ignorance and selfishness.
While the Freeman brothers are near polar opposites, their grandfather Robert Jebediah “Grandad” Freeman is a balance between righteousness and ignorance. Since moving the boys out to Woodcrest, he’s tried to provide as best he can for them, though he doesn’t always understand them. During a short succession of strips, Grandad attempts to connect with Riley through the use of rap songs. Riley can’t help but sigh as Grandad says such things as, “…Then there’s that T.I. boy runnin’ ‘round talking about ‘You don’t know me.’ But do any of us really know each other? …. And that’s all Bill Cosby is saying” (“All the Rage”, 79). On a separate occasion, he takes the boys shopping and offers to buy Riley three pairs of Air Force Threes because they’re 80% off when his grandson says he’ll only wear Air Force Ones, a popular expensive sneaker at the time. While he is helpful, Grandad is often selfish and self-centered as well. He’s very protective of his orange juice; it is a full day’s worth of vitamin C after all. Then when his cousins left homeless by Hurricane Katrina come to seek refuge, he pretends to not be home even with his cousins at his doorstep. Grandad is truly diverse in character.
As with any brutally honest cartoon, show, or program, The Boondocks received its share of criticism. One beef McGruder held was with BET (Black Entertainment Television). He had always disagreed with the way they represented the black race with degrading music videos and other generally bad programming; he also disagreed with their overall monopoly on the black television demographic (Henderson, “A.M. Biography”). In one strip, McGruder pointed out that BET founder Bob Johnson said his network “does more to serve the Black community” than McGruder does. McGruder then shows a signal panel of a black behind shaking vibrantly “in order to follow the fine example set by Mr. Johnson” (“A Right…”, 50). One a separate occasion, McGruder touches on the BET buyout made by Viacom and has Huey call Viacom directly and request them to fire Bob Johnson so that BET can begin to head in a new direction, towards more positive programming (90). I, too, have felt that BET shames the race in the way the network depicts black people. With the recent addition of certain reality shows, BET is worse than ever. Before, I would turn the channel from a show I was poking fun at whenever a white roommate walked into the living room, not wanting to perpetuate any of the stereotypes the programming might contain. Now I’ve stopped watching BET completely, at least until it gets its act together.
Perhaps the biggest controversy The Boondocks comic strip faced was shortly after 9/11. When everyone else shied away from placing blame on anyone or criticizing the president, McGruder held no punches. On the actual date, he was busy on one of his usual tirades, this time against actress Vivica A. Fox. Two weeks later, the strips McGruder wrote to address the issue ran in the papers. For this portion of the strip’s run, Huey and his friend Caesar, the only other black kid in the neighborhood, watch the news coverage. Most of the coverage makes fun of itself, but Huey will interject his opinion as well when necessary. Later in the year around Thanksgiving, Huey is asked to pray over the meal: “In this time of war against Osama bin Laden and the oppressive Taliban Regime… we are thankful that our leader isn’t the spoiled son of a powerful politician from a wealthy oil family… and uses war to deny people their civil liberties. Amen” (175). In response to critics asking about the comparison of President Bush to bin Laden, McGruder pointed out that he never explicitly mentioned Bush’s name in that particular strip. He went on to say, “If the reader reads what I wrote and thinks about G. W. Bush, that means it’s f****** true!” (Lemons, “Creator”). McGruder goes on to say that readers shouldn’t be mad at him for drawing connections they made themselves.
Just as McGruder did, Huey and I both started our own sort of publications. I have The Wacko Monologues, a blog that I use to voice my own opinion on topics from race, sexuality, double standards, and taboos as well as other various topics. I like to pride myself on the tagline “Insight and Humor” for they are the best duo of all time. I also try to omit names as often as possible when I recount personal events, much like when McGruder alludes to certain public figures in his strips. Huey has his Free Huey Report which he uses as a vehicle to criticize the government, pop culture, and anything else he sees fit. In the comic strip, it is joked that he only has 12 readers, more than half of which only read it to disagree with him. When he has his neighbor, Attorney Thomas Debois, read his issue, it is believed that Huey takes “too many liberties with the facts to call [it] a newspaper” (“A Right…”, 70). When asked why, Thomas responds, “Well, how do you know G.W. Bush smoked crack?” (70). Huey simply argues if it was that unbelievable that Bush could have ever smoked (70). This type of social commentary is what McGruder needed to be shed in the comic section of the paper, Because I Know You Don’t Read the Newspaper according to the title of his first collection of the Boondocks strips.
As mentioned before, The Boondocks is also a television program. The comic strip has since been cancelled, as to make things easier on McGruder. The series has come under the same criticism as its still counterpart, but the two mediums have their differences. The most notable difference is the lack of strong stances on politics. McGruder attributes this to two factors: the nine month delay between the writing and animating process and deciding to ease up a bit (Braxton, “He’s Gotta…”). Because McGruder decided to go with an anime style for The Boondocks, the show is sent to Japan to be drawn (“He’s Gotta…”). Such a lapse of time makes it impossible to be topical on a regular basis. Another notable difference is the reduced focus on Huey as the story follows Riley, Grandad, and even other supporting characters in their neighborhood. Huey always narrates the story, however, for he holds the insight. This is how the story remains his as he interjects his own views and opinions on the actions of others.
If The Boondocks has taught me nothing else, seeing race is beneficial. It has allowed me to view the whole picture. I can be sensitive to different issues and know when others are offending me or passing judgments they may not even realize they are passing. This is why I value Aaron McGruder and Huey Freeman as much as I do: because they are lights of knowledge in the darkness that has become our ignorant society.