Embarrassing Moments: Squats

I've always been one to laugh at myself.

As I've stated before,

if you don't take the opportunity to laugh at yourself

everyone else will.

So, now provide me the chance to humiliate myself.

It is a humbling experience after all.

It was a long day at work today.

Tasks were added throughout the day

slightly breaking team moral.

Between the end of my lunch break and when we finished,

I was assigned to straighten a wheel on a cart.

I found the rubber mallet necessary to complete the task.

So I squatted down,

kinda in that legs open manner

where someone could kick me square in the balls if desired.

All was fine at first,

I tapped relentlessly on the crooked wheel.

I decided I needed to get a little lower for a better swing.

Then came a ripping sound.

I froze, hoping it wasn't what I thought it was.

I was aware that my khakis had a small hole in the "tant " region.

[urban dictionary the term if you must]

But it sustained the same size for a whole semester.

So I tend to forget about it since it was never visible.

But I have gained a bit of weight of the summer,

so I suppose it finally caught up to my clothes.

See, this is why I strictly wear jeans. haha

I tried to ignore the sound

and continued working.

Unfortunately, I heard it again.

I could feel a breeze on my right thigh now.

I hurried fixing the wheel

and stood up to inspect myself discreetly.

The tear stopped just short of my balls

and nearly reached the bottom of my natural tear.

Needless to say,

I walked with my legs closed real tight like.

There were other times during the day when I had to bend down.

To ward off attention,

I turned my rear end in a direction where no one was working.

My drawers were dark gray,

so if anything the gap looked like a shadow.

Luckily everyone was too busy with their assignments to notice.

This may have been on account of the presence of our boss at the time.

I did however tell my one friend cause we're always joking around.

She said it didn't even look that bad.

Only people staring at it would notice.

That's when I thought popped in my head.

What if people did see it and didn't say anything?

Might people have been checking me out and thought,

"If I tell him, he'll know I was staring at his fat ass"?

Yeah, I know. I think too highly of myself.

Go suck it. haha

Anyway,

I made it through the afternoon

without being called out for ripped pants.

I'm just lucky we only worked in our warehouse today.

Cause showing unexpecting students and visitors

my crescent mooning would not have been sexy.

...or would it?

Word.