Seeking Queer Companion

I fear I have a disorder of sorts
resulting in my inability to befriend (most) gay men
due to an overactive libido.
A true shame, I know.

It's basically the same principle that makes it difficult
for guys and girls to maintain a platonic friendship,
just suckier and more unfortunate.
You see, in addition to not having gay male friends
...I don't have any gay male friends - in real life that is,
but I'll clarify that shortly.

Sure straight women, lesbians, and straight men
can relate to different aspects of my struggle,
but nothing compares to being able to vent
your sexual and/or social frustrations
to a person who goes through nearly the same.

This is not to say I don't have gay friends. I do.
I just mainly only talk to them online.
There are a few I've met through social sites
- not those kind of sites (generally) -
who are awesome but live
in unfortunate [read: far away] places - like Canada.
There's also a good handful of gay guys
I have grown close to in real life.
However, most of these friendships either:

1. dissolve when we don't see each other often enough,
2. are maintained through online chatting and Twitter, or
3. escalate quickly into some sort of sexual act or awkwardness due to lack of interest and fizzle out into silence.

Some of you may wonder why I keep in contact
with gay men (seemingly) strictly online.
Simply put, it's better [read: safer] that way.
I don't feel the urge or requirement
of physical contact when broadband is all that connects us.
It's less of a distraction that way.
Bad enough I lust after straight men;
imagine how savage I'd be with actual gay men I'm attracted to.
Shit, sometimes I don't even want them yet
still find it hard to trust myself around them.

I just want a solid group of gay friends
like the guys in Queer as Folk or Noah's Ark,
is that really to much to ask?
Or maybe it's just too much for me to handle.
They did occasionally sleep with and date each other,
some holding stronger than others.
Is this the gay man's curse?
Are we not allowed to fellowship comfortably with our fellow queer
without the possibility of sex coming into play?
I honestly wonder if lesbians have as hard a time with this,
but my guess is not as intensely.

This has to be a case of extreme horniness.
Maybe I should be nurtured.
Or perhaps I need to learn to ignore sex
and focus on basic human interaction
like I pretend to prioritize when evaluating my personality.
Whatever the case, I need to get over it;
I'm long overdue for a proper kiki*.
Word.



*- A party including good music and good friends, held for the express purpose of calming nerves, reducing anxiety and stress and generally fighting ennui. May involve locked doors, tea, and salacious gossip. (Urban Dictionary)