Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts

July 14, 2017

For Ummi

I'm still not ahead of schedule, and I foolishly stayed up til 5am last night with work today. Please enjoy this short story from my senior year that I'm oddly proud of.



Gabir rises from the table with two cups as the tea kettle whistles and turns the back left burner off on the stove, his mother sitting silently with her cup before her on the table. Twisting his waist, he grabs her cup and places it next to his before pouring the boiling hot water over the tea bags. “Would you like any honey with you tea, mother?” She shakes her head, her salt and pepper hairs slipping out of its loose braid – he would have to remind younger brother Fadi to touch it up soon – exposing more and more split ends. “I’m sure Iskandar will want honey. That man has a sweet tooth like a spoiled child.” After squeezing the bottle bone dry between the first two cups, Gabir returns to the table as he smiles at his mother, placing her cup down first.

“It’s nice of you and your older brother to visit your dear old ummu,” she finally breaks her silence. “I know how much of a bother it must be.”

“Please, we’ve wanted to come see you for the past five months. We just have busy lives with our wives and all.”

“Yes. I imagine you do.” Her eyelids slide shut as she raises the cup to her mouth, parting her lips to whistle into the simmering tea before letting it lightly scorch her tongue just as it had the skin on her left arm when she was still a newlywed in Lebanon. “I’m happy women were lucky enough to pick you two out as suitable gentlemen to marry. If only I were so lucky as to have that opportunity.”

“You’re not too old to remarry, yourself,” Gabir says. “You’ve been in America for 37 years now. You think you would have gotten used to it by now.”

“Not when you’re married to a man like your father for 32 of them. And I have no need to remarry. Fadi still sticks by his mother’s side. Just the other day, a girl stopped him while he was in the market with me in the produce section. He hooked my arm and said he already had a woman to serve and protect.”

Gabir’s little brother, a slender boy with eyes that perpetually burned with curiosity and a mind fixated on those he held dear, graduated college three years ago with a bachelor’s in engineering and stayed at home with her – having commuted the entirety of his undergraduate career – to help their mother make ends meet, since she was never allowed to hold a job herself, though Gabir and Iskandar often sent her checks for each season that passed since their father’s departure – enough to keep her comfortable in the only American home she had known. Iskandar often speculated to him that Fadi was a momma’s boy, but Gabir defended him as just acting as the baby of the bunch. When will he move on?

Gabir remains lost in his thoughts until his mother mutters something. “What?” he asks.

“I thought you turned the kettle off,” she repeates. He quickly realizes that a whistling sound has filled the whole house. Before he can respond, a loud bang replaces it.

“It sounds like it came from upstairs.” Almost falling out of his chair in a hurry, Gabir rushes out of the kitchen and up the stairs to see Iskandar standing in the doorway to Fadi’s room, smoke crawling along the floor out of the room. “Is he alright? What was he doing in there?”

“I can’t really answer either one of those questions, I’m afraid,” his brother replies. “I don’t see him. There’s just that.” Gabir follows Iskandar’s gaze to a cylinder shaped tin can that stretches from the floor to the ceiling in the corner across from a bed; the smoke seems to originate from its opening. On the desk to the right side of the tin can is a rectangular box, connected by a coiled wire, that displays a date and place in florescent orange lights: July 22, 1971, Tyre, Lebanon.

“He didn’t…” Gabir drags his brother with him and stuffs him into the machine. “We have to follow him,” he says in response to Iskandar’s perplexed look as he searches feverously inside the cylinder for a button that reads “Go” or “Launch” to no avail before stomping his foot down. Suddenly the floor of the machine glows, beginning from the middle until it reaches the side panels, and a flash of light engulfs the two brothers.

*~

The Shiite temple’s white exterior shines beautifully in front of them with pure elegance that would rival any bride on her wedding day, and fifteen year old Mariam dressed in a radiant white grab with gold laces outlining its hem was no exception as Gabir and Iskandar could see from behind an abandoned fruit stand as she walked between her parents into the temple. As the last of her party enters the temple, the brothers emerge from hiding place.

“Ummu really looks beautiful, even at this young age,” says Iskandar as he brushes sand off himself.

“I know.” Out of the corner of his eye, Gabir catches a man in a brilliant burnt sienna jacket with golden yellow wrists and collar walking with confidence along the side of the building and turns to his brother to say, “I think that’s Ibrahim.”

“Father?” Iskandar hides behind the fruit stand once again, looking in the direction that his brother points before rising up once again. “Where? I don’t see him.”

Before Gabir can clarify, he turns to find their young father is missing from the side street. As quickly as he ran up to Fadi’s room, he runs toward the last intersection he last spotted his father with Iskandar steps behind him, panting from the extra weight he’s put on over the years – a sound that nearly drowned out the moans of a man in an alley being struck repeatedly by a blunt object. Gabir stops at the mouth of an alley to see his younger brother standing menacing over Ibrahim with a dented garbage can tightly grasped in his left hand.

“Fadi! What do you think you doing?” Gabir calls out walking slowly towards him.

Fadi peers over his shoulder. “Oh. It’s you. Come. Help me finish off this fiend.”

“Be reasonable, Fadi,” Iskandar wheezes as he stumbles into the alley. “What do you think will happen if you kill him?”

“I will relieve ummi of all the suffering she’s ever had to endure,” he replies somberly.

“And you’ll erase us. If he dies now, then we can never be. None of us will be there to provide for her. How will she survive?”

“Maybe another suitor is lined up for her to marry,” Gabir joins in. “Maybe he’s even worse than Ibrahim. There’s no way of knowing. Then she’ll be in even more pain.”

“I can’t imagine anyone worse than him,” Fadi turns back to his father. “But if there be a worse man, I pray that there is another like me to travel through time and bring him down.” When he lifts the trashcan over his head, Gabir and Iskandar sprint into action as the can flies towards their father’s head ready to splatter it.

~

Sitting alone on a carpet in front of her home, Mariam’s salt and pepper hair flows with the Lebanese air of a summer breeze.  She closes her eyes, but images of her broken and bloody husband-to-be on that faithful night – it seemed like night to her – fill her mind as three men seem to fade away into a successful escape from the scene of the crime. The anniversary of her fiancĂ©’s death still haunts her to this day as well as the lust for a family to call her own.  To care for. To love.

February 12, 2016

Not a Silly Love Blog



Happy Valentine's Day weekend, you paired-off fools! While all my couple friends forsake me for the next few days, I hope to host a singles mixer to celebrate our freedom and bitterness around a bonfire. No, I'm lying. I don't have the space to create a proper controlled fire. I'll probably just end up catching up on two weeks of Youtube subscriptions or reading the book for my book club on Monday. Maybe spice it up with a little Tinder action.

That's right, baby makers, the gays have invaded your precious fornication playground! Not that I'm having much luck myself, being the worst and all. I think the creators of Tinder made it too much like a video game. Swiping left and right dehumanizes my fellow men of a homosexual nature. They're not real. So when I swipe right and the screen notifies me that "IT'S A MATCH!" my fight or flight reflex kicks in and I throw my phone across the room. After I've gained my composure, I retrieve my phone and decide if he's good looking and interesting enough to muster up courage for an introductory message. I'm not saying I have high standards; I'm just saying I have a low sent-message rate.

Why am I so shy? Isn't the internet supposed to be where everyone has the most courage? If people aren't real until you meet them, then why do I have a problem treating them like play things? I suppose my empathy levels are over 9000. Or maybe I'm still not ready for a relationship.

I think mostly I'm bored with online dating. For the most part, Baltimore produces the same crop of gays. I'm not talking demographic-wise; I mean I see the same faces in the same locations on Grindr and Scruff. It's kind of like walking through a video game's dungeon and getting annoyed that you keep running into the same monsters. Where's the variety? Where's the unexpectedness? Instead I'm faced with guys I don't want to be bothered with bothering me while I daydream about guys I can never have.

Ultimately, I'm stopping myself from finding love. Rejection still scares me but it shouldn't. People say no, and I have to learn how to deal with being unwanted. Not having a reliable mode of transportation is an obstacle, as well. When did dating turn into a job application? Damn the advances of the 21st century!

Maybe I'll take the MARC train into DC more often. It'd be a nice change of pace, and something tells me they may have more queer spaces than Baltimore has to offer. Granted, talking to strangers in person is more of a challenge for me but one I've been meaning to work on. ...or I can just drag a friend along and force them to be my Barney Stinson.

But enough of my wallowing. Go forth and frolic, you eager little bunnies. Celebrate your joyous unions. I wish Valentine's Day babies on only those financially prepared and bored with life.

Word

December 7, 2015

Thought I Knew and Divine Acidity

Today's another Monday Workshop where I revisit old poems and pretend they're good enough for public consumption. These two entries are oldies, but I believe they have potential. Enjoy.

~~~
Thought I Knew

Here’s the truth
I did love you
False, I lusted after you
Words are hard for me
You know my public school education
Never taught me what television really meant
But I longed for you
Lesbians, L words, libations
I was drunk on you
Like spiked punch
While you kicked and pulled
Until you were free from my gaze
I was like an owl
My eyes full of you
You must have felt invaded
As I tried to land on you
But you let me fall
Allowing me to see the truth
And the floor up close and personal

But just like the old lady 
Who bangs her ceiling at me
I’m over you
My imagination of you
Overshadowed the shallowness you stand ankle deep in
Your personality is Quasimodo’s face
And I know I’m exaggerating
But I have to
You must be demonized if I’m going to find

Someone like who I thought I knew


~~~
Divine Acidity

I tried falling asleep once
I nearly puked the bed
My body, he doesn’t act right
Not like I once knew it to
But I think, think it’s changing on me
Roughing me up
Fighting back after I’ve bullied it
Misused it
But how can I misuse something
I never received a manual for
The Bible never told me so
Was I actually supposed to pay attention in health class
My gym teacher taught me
And he could barely multiply

Up until the break of dawn
suffering because of past mistakes
Gluttony getting the best of me
Perhaps it is the deadliest sin
Who knows if I'll survive
Water don't fail me now
Drench this internal flame

May I be more disciplined in the future
But if I fail allow me the serenity
Of disorienting inebriation
To lull me to sleep 
Past the gates of hell 


~~~
Word