He'd Be Perfect for You

"You're gay, he's gay. You two belong together."

In the past few months,
a number of my female friends
have approached me and said they had a guy for me.
Usually just some random gay guy,
or a cute dreadlocked black gay guy as one girl put it.
I even came out to my other sister over the phone yesterday,
and she immediately said,
"You should have told me sooner. I could have set you up with one of my gay friends. Now he's off in Australia with his boyfriend."
...<.< Really though?

Don't get me wrong.
I suck at meeting guys on my own,
so I appreciate their help.
But it really does seem like the basis of the connect is that we're both gay.
As a Youtuber once joked, "Oh, you're straight?
I have a straight friend that would be perfect for you!"
There's obviously a lot more that has to be there for it to work.
If I just want to meet a random gay guy, I'll call a hooker.

Now, I've haven't been set up on a blind date,
so I can't truly knock it just yet.
I'm just sayin, I'm a little stand-offish about it.

But ladies, if you got a boy you think would be a good fit for me,
please do pass him my way.
Much like TLC, I ain't too proud to beg.
Word.

Sleepless Nights

I'm fairly certain I stared at my ceiling
and the wall next to my bed for a total of 4 hours last night.

For the first time in forever
I went to sleep before 1am.
[My usual is 4am.]
I gave myself a 9am class this last semester
to kind of prepare for how early some jobs might call me in.
I thought I was being a good boy.

Obviously my body had other plans.
I almost wanted to cry. haha.
Even when I would fade into sleep for a little bit
I would wake up because I was thirsty.
My room was a little stuffy,
but that's how I like it.

I finally passed out at around 5 or so
and forced myself to shower at 8:22.
I was that tired that I remembered the exact time. Yes.

Of course, this is not my first experience,
and I'm sure you've experienced.
But why!!!!!????
This is such a rant,
but this is one of the few times I wish I was a robot.
Then my ass could just power down.
I could even set a timer on myself for exactly when I want to wake up.
But naw, I gotta rely on my own fatigue and an alarm clock.
[sigh]

You do kind of re-evaluate your life in the mean time, though.
It was a "the fuck am I going with my life?" theme last night for me.
Those are always fun. [blatant sarcarm]

As a man, let me tell you,
I even tried that one thing we do.
You know that one thing,
I just don't feel like being vulgar after yesterday's post.
That didn't even work.
If anything it woke me up more.

I could have drank some warm milk or something.
Ha! I would just now think to drink myself to sleep with alcohol.
Then you wake up the next day either still drunk or hungover on a weekday.
I think that what some people might call a warning sign.

I should have just watched TV or read a book instead.

Guess I'll know better next time.

Word.

You Be Wylin on Twitter

Today was the first day of classes for the Spring Semester.
Yes, it's my last semester of college ever,
but we'll talk about that later.

So, I see a few of my friends
and we have the usual "how was your break?" exchange.
Then one of them says something to the effect of "Enjoyed your tweets this weekend."
I had to stop and think for a minute.
None of them used Twitter.
Then I remember we have mutual friends that do.
I kinda just forgot about them because they don't pop up on my timeline often.

But yes... my tweets this weekend were quite... entertaining.
And oddly enough, since they're on the internet forever anyway,
I'd like to share them with you all in case you missed it.
Also this is just a way to keep track of them forever. haha.
Fair warning, some of them are quite crude and vulgar.
But hey, doesn't that make for the best comedy?
So, without further adieu...

"Ever heard a voice so beautiful that you know she doesn't give oral?
Sat Jan 15 2011 21:27:57 (Eastern Standard Time) via web"
I said this in response to hearing an outstanding local singer.
I mean, I would think she would refrain from that to keep her voice in tact.

"Do I have a playlist called "Snap for the Kids"? Why, yes. Yes I do.Sat Jan 15 2011 21:40:59 (Eastern Standard Time) via web"Yes, as inspired by the Beyonce song. I was blasting it all weekend. Also, I was feeling especially flamboyant all weekend, as later tweets will show.

"[channel surfs to Miss America Pageant] [barfs] [moves on]Sat Jan 15 2011 21:58:06 (Eastern Standard Time) via web"
I just wasn't feeling it this year. haha.

"Je refuse de jouer en vous rennes jeux.Sat Jan 15 2011 22:13:20 (Eastern Standard Time) via webJe tweet en français maintenant, oui.Sat Jan 15 2011 22:15:04 (Eastern Standard Time) via webJe sais que le français. Je suis trop paresseux pour se souvenir de chaque traduction. #étudiantterribleSat Jan 15 2011 22:19:27 (Eastern Standard Time) via web"
I went on a short french kick for some reason... but with Google Translate. Don't worry, I got called out. haha

"I want to do inappropriate things to you. #pickuplinesSun Jan 16 2011 15:50:40 (Eastern Standard Time) via web"
I mean, I would use it.

"So much vitamin c, even my poop is fruity.#vulgarlines ->WordSun Jan 16 2011 18:58:52 (Eastern Standard Time) via txt"
This is also a line that a gay rapper might use.

"Oooo wee! Gurl, you smell like cocoa butter. #blackpickuplinesSun Jan 16 2011 19:40:52 (Eastern Standard Time) via web"
I mean... I wouldn't be surprised if a guy actually used that.

"Being gay is weird, frustrating and funny all at the same time. ->WordSun Jan 16 2011 19:55:49 (Eastern Standard Time) via txt"
#honesttweet haha

"This is one of those I wanna order a prostitute nights. #lonelytweet->WordSun Jan 16 2011 20:21:54 (Eastern Standard Time) via txt"
This is the beginning of the worst of them.

"Retweet if You're watchin the Globes and playin the I'd Fuck Them game when the camera switches to the audience. ->WordSun Jan 16 2011 20:59:30 (Eastern Standard Time) via txt"
Hey, there were a lot of good looking people at the Golden Globes this year.

"Do you think a guy would get made if I told him he had a gay smile? ->WordSun Jan 16 2011 21:12:24 (Eastern Standard Time) via txt"
That was a serious question, too.

"What would you do if someone randomly came up and said "I want to blow you so hard right now"? ->WordSun Jan 16 2011 21:18:22 (Eastern Standard Time) via txt"
Yet another serious question.

"Fuck my period. It makes me so horny and I can't help it. Sorry to fill up your timeline with it. ->WordSun Jan 16 2011 21:19:54 (Eastern Standard Time) via txt"
To see how I can have my "period," click here.

"You know I'm on my period when i think about smashing a white girl. Smh ->Word
Sun Jan 16 2011 21:36:29 (Eastern Standard Time) via txt"To understand why that's funny, click here.

"No one cause no one is actually fucking. RT @"afriendofmines" But who's winning? ---> RT @CGWacko Still playing the I'd Fuck Them with the Globes.

Sun Jan 16 2011 21:58:41 (Eastern Standard Time) via txt"

I mean, it's true.

This next tweet was so vulgar I didn't post it until someone asked me to.
"Boy, why don't you repeatedly shove your penis in and out of my mouth. Vanilla ice cream is my favorite. ->Word
Sun Jan 16 2011 22:22:34 (Eastern Standard Time) via txt"You can understand why. haha. I'm never gonna get a GOOD job now. haha. Time to be a stand up comic?

"Damn I wish you were openly gay. #honesttweet ->Word
Sun Jan 16 2011 22:24:13 (Eastern Standard Time) via txt"This is the story of my life.

Yup... and those are the tweets that made everyone's weekend.
So if you'd like hilarity like that on a fairly regular basis,
you know how to find me.
I mean, there's a link to my Twitter on this page your own now.
But, I think I'll tone it down a little.
...we'll see.
Word.

Tumblr Tots

Remember how I said I didn't blog in December?
Well, that was half true.
I didn't blog on Blogger,
but sure enough my ass was on Tumblr all up and down.
I didn't write anything though.

Let me explain if I will.
First there was MySpace.
Then people younger than us and the freaks ruined it.
Then there was Facebook.
Our parents and young folk are ruining it now.
Now there's Twitter.
And yes, I smell the apocalypse coming for her, too.
So, I'm on Tumblr now.
It's that hot new shit, and I'm staring the trend!!!
Ok... so I know people who have had it long before me,
but it's hot now cause I'm on it. #noego

This is a gif.

So what is Tumblr?
Well, it's similar to Twitter in a sense.
You can still follow people,
and they don't have to follow you back.
There are a few celebrities, I believe.
There's a homepage where all the posts show up and your own page that you can customize.
But Tumblr is more about the visual.
You post jpegs, gifs, and videos mostly.
[GIFs are those pictures that move.]
Sometimes people blog, but those can sometimes get overlooked.
So Tumblr has been included in my rotation of regular sites
along with Facebook, Twitter, Youtube, and Blogger.

So what are some of the main ones I follow?
Well of course I follow the handful of friends that have one.
These are mostly the same people with Twitters.
I suppose we like multiple outlets of expression. #shrug
yourmomisclubbin and whenparentstext are instant day brighteners.
I'm pretty sure the same person put me on to them
before I even started using Tumblr like that.
Then there are the fuckyeah sites that focus on one particular topic.
For instance fuckyeahwallacewells to feed my recent Scott Pilgrim addiction,
And of course I follow fuckyeahkidcudi and fuckyeahkanyewest.
Keep in mind, these are just fansites.

Tumblr also introduced me to this British show called Misfits that I keep going on about to my friends.
This is mostly because of didn't pictures and gifs I saw of the show.
Tumblr is weird like that.
It'll introduce you to new stuff you wouldn't have found otherwise, and it'll remind you of things you loved like Digimon or Land Before Time.
Oh, and if you wanna watch Misfits, you can click this.

And if you're looking for it, you can even find erotic stuff.
I mean, this is the internet.
I've stumbled across a lot of gay theme things on tumblr.
I only repost the PG-13 stuff though, sometimes not even.
But trust me, it can get raunchy for anybody if you look hard enough. smh

So, that's my new fixation at the moment.
Follow along it you'd like.
Of course my angle is cgwacko.tumblr.com
I mean, what else would it be? Duh.
Word.

#38 Stop Drinking For a Month or More

This task took place from Nov 9th to Dec 17th.
So why did it take me so long to blog about it?
Well, remember December wasn't my month.
But also, I wanted to see what I would do the month
after I spent so long without drinking.

And by drinking, I mean water.
No, dumbass. Alcohol, of course.

In all honesty, I started it up
because of an incident that I still can't tell you about.
Those that know know.
But just so you know how upset I was, the weekend before I embarked on this task I received a shot glass with my name on it... literally. I was so overjoyed and ready to use it.
I still have not used it other than to take water shots.
And since my name is on it,
I haven't allowed anyone else to use it. Their name ain't Charles. Shiiit.


Let me tell you now,
I am a borderline alcoholic.
But then again, aren't most college students?
So we lie to ourselves and say it's only alcoholism once we graduate.
At least we've set a cutoff date for ourselves.

When I first came to college,
I didn't have it in my mind to drink at all.
I was gonna be one of those sober kids.
But I remember a call from my mom a month before I started college.
She said something to the effect of "I know you're gonna drink."
Now, she wasn't all the way okay with it,
but she knew it would happen.
I think without that, I would still be sober.
Or at least I'd been sober for longer.
Am I blaming her? No.
I'm just saying she took off a bit of judgment from my mind.

I lasted until October 6th, 2007.
I know that because the pictures from it are posted the next day.
I took six shots of vodka pretty fast,
mostly cause my room and floor mates were champs.
I puked shortly after,
only to run around with my shirt off
down the hall to where my first college crush lived
and harassed him for the remainder of the night.
I felt liberated... and I loved it.

It wasn't until my junior year that I discovered I might have a problem.
For an undisclosed reason, I had to fill out this sheet that asked how much I drank each day during the past 4 weeks.
The 1st week had been Spring Break, so I was sober. But the other 3 weeks... 17 of those days I was drunk. Somehow I got work done, but still, I was shook.
Did I stop then? Not really.
But I did cut back.
What can I say, I surround myself with drinkers. And when other people are drinking, I feel compelled to drink myself.



In a sense, I've become known as a big drinker.
That's why I got a shot glass as a gift.
I've always been a liquor boy over beer.
It is what I started off on, after all.
And I know how to hold it.
So yes, liquor was my friend.

However I wanted to see if I could go without it,
as kind of a PSAT to real life.
I got to tell you, the first 10 days I was fiending,
but I managed to resist.
The rest of that first month was easy.
I would go to different house parties
and be surrounded by people drinking,
satisfied with drinking a soda or whatever.
By 1 o'clock though, I would leave.
I was too sober; I felt outta place.
I started to notice what fools some people become while intoxicated.
It was a bit off putting.

Finally December 9th rolled around.
I celebrated my month of sobriety with a water shot.
I still wanted to see if I could go any further.
I made it to December 18th, the day after my friend's 22nd birthday.
He had a final earlier that day, so we couldn't celebrate on the 17th.
But even then, I didn't drink that much.
I only drank when the whole group took a shot.
It was like I was cool without it.
A drunk feeling did not over take me that night.

The only other time since then I had a drink was New Years Eve.
Again, I didn't drink that much, and I bought the bottles that night.
I could have asked for money,
but I remember all the times someone bought a bottle and didn't ask for anything.
I was kind of paying it forward.
Again, my friends got drunk and I could only look on in half disgust.
The other half was laughing uncontrollably.
I had never seen my best friend from home and his friends drunk.
It was a rare sight.

So, am I saying I'm no longer an alcoholic?
I suppose. I'm able to resist a drink now.
Am I gonna remain sober for the most part?
That I doubt. I still have a shot glass to try out. haha.
But, I definitely won't be going as hard as I have been.
Yet another step into adulthood.
I'm starting to resent these steps a little bit.
They're making Jack a dull boy. haha
Word.

The Family Physician

I have not been to a doctor in three and a half years,
which was the week before I started college.
Nope, not even for a flu shot.
[Last time I got one, it gave me the flu.
Damn germs in a needle.]

Do I have a fear of the doctor?
No, not at all.
I just haven't gotten a check up in a long time.
Oh, excuse me. I mean physical.
That's the grown up way of saying it, right?

Yes, the last doctor I had was my pediatrician.
Yes, I was eighteen that last time.
Yes, he had a Jewish last name.
Yes, he...touched me.
That part was so awkward.
Like, it was fine when I was younger, it was no big deal.
But I had hair down there now.
...that and I knew I was gay by then.
...before this gets any more awkward, we'll just move on.

So, my mom scheduled an appointment with the family doctor.
When she said family doctor, I raised an eye to her.
I know my mom's side of the family is a lil bougie,
but I didn't think we had our own doctor.
Or maybe I'm just being ignorant
and most families have a doctor everyone goes to.
...unless your family takes group trips to the free clinic.
In which case... [shrug]. Least you getting some care.

When we arrived at his office
[yes, he has a private practice],
my mom went in as I filled out some paperwork,
it being my first time and all.
Let me take the time to note that no one was white.
I saw a Hispanic nurse.
The two receptionist were Hispanic and black.
It kinda made me smile.
Then I remembered although I wasn't in Newark,
I wasn't that far away.
Still, I smiled to myself.

When I went back to the room,
I had to wait for like ten, fifteen minutes.
I guess my mom took longer than expected.
Either that, or she was asking questions like always.
Ah, she's so inquisitive and cautious.

Finally, he came to me.
He was Indian,
and yes, for the most part I could understand him.
He seemed like he was in his lower 30s.
I figured he was the new family doctor or something.
He asked me questions and all that jazz.
Then he related to me.
At one point he even said,
"And I'm telling you this as a friend, feel free to call me anytime."
Dude, I just met you!... but thanks.
Made me feel welcome.
He even asked about my grandparents.
The two of them saw him as well.

He was a little rough during the physical though.
When he told me to lay down,
he pushed me back a lil.
He poked my stomach a lil viciously,
and then he pulled me back up.
At least he didn't check for testicular cancer.
I guess that was on me from now on.

Then I got blood work done with the Hispanic nurse.
She laughed at my t-shirt, Optimus Prime in glasses and a fake noise.
[Let me know if you get that.]
When she poked that needle in my vain,
I wanted to scream "THERE'S A NEEDLE IN MY FUCKIN' ARM! AAH!"
But I restrained myself from joking around.

Then I peed in a cup.
No, not for a drug test.
Again, to make sure everything was alright.
If you ever pee in a cup,
don't feel the need to fill it up.
They ain't gonna use all of it.
...unless someone spills some.
In which case, that's hilarious.
....I wonder how much skill
a woman has to have to piss in a cup.
Ladies? o.O

Anyway, I have my next appointment in April.
Apparently, you're supposed to go every three months?
I only went once a year to my pediatrician.
What gives?
Oh well, no use crying over it now.
This is just yet another step into adulthood.
So long, childhood innocence.
I shall miss thee.
Word.

Writer's Spirit

Well hello there, my dear friends [and associates].
It's 2011 now, isn't it?
Are you sure it's not just December 34th right now?
No... okay.


So let me address the sabertooth tiger in the cyberspace.
Yes, I only posted once in December.
And for a while before that, 
the majority of what I did post
were Hip Hop Blocks and 101 Tasks in 1001 Days.
[Both series will be continued for now, in case you were wondering.]


In all honesty, guys...
I had lost my drive.
Not only to blog but to write in general.
All last semester, I struggled with even the simplest writing assignment.
...AND I'M A WRITING MAJOR.
You won't believe how many assignments I turned in late
and just didn't care.
Some assignments didn't get turned in at all.
And during finals when I had papers,
I wished they were an in-class final instead
so that at least at some point it would be over
and I wouldn't have to take time out of my day.
It had gotten that bad!


So, how did this happen exactly?
Well I can't tell you all of it right now,
because I feel obligated by authority figures
to not divulge that information.
But you know I will eventually.
I mean, I am me after all.


What I can say is this:
I lost confidence in myself.
I let the world get me down
for things I had done in the past.
The negative thoughts in my mind took control of me,
and I completely shut down.

I'm not sure if this is true for other writers,
but I feel as if there's definitely a writer spirit,
something that inspires you to express yourself.
I kinda equate it to the engine in a car, I guess.
Well, mines needed a tune up badly.
Oil oozed out, smoke seeped from my ears.
It was even sparking, and not in the Katy Perry's boobs kinda way.
I had to put it in the shop and everything. 
[We'll say that's why this blog was a barren wasteland in December.]


I mean, get this.
There would be times when I wanted to blog
to procrastinate my school work
and then I would find something else online 
to procrastinate writing a blog.
You wouldn't believe how many drafts i have saved.
[Not that many, but you catch my drift.]


But yeah, basically I'm saying I'm back.
At least I think I am.
I mean, I'm ready to be back.
I'm sure you missed me. #noego
So, this is my great return.
I hope you're ready to re-embark on this journey again.
Cause this time we're not pulling over for any bathroom breaks.
Yes, that means bring adult diapers with you.
It's the new hot shit like fried turds.
....shut up, I like puns.
And you know you're about to run with it too.
"Yo, you heard that new Weezy? Yo, it's that fried turd, son!"
You know you like it.


Ah, it's feels so good to be back.
Word.