Top 10 Questions to Ask to Your Lyft//Uber Driver

By now, you've heard of Uber and Lyft.
If you live in a big enough area,
you're lucky enough to experience these fine services.
Better prices and better people than cabs.
Vehicles so nice you sit in the front seat.
But, ah, when you sit up front,
you feel more inclined to make conversation.
And if your driver has been driving with the company for a while
you don't want to ask the same tired ol' questions.
You know:
how long have you been driving with Lyft/Uber?
what do you think about the weather?
what kind of candy do you have, again?

Fret no more, my dear friends (and associates),
for I have enough frequent rider miles to reach Topeka, Kansas.
And with great distances come great conversations.
Without further adieu, here are the top 10 questions
to ask your driver leading to a nice conversation flowing.


1) Are you from around here/Where are you from?

The drivers you ride with are more diverse than you know. Some are locals with insight and history about the city you never thought to look into. Some are transplants from other states with interesting stories from the childhoods. But the best drivers are the people who come from the same place as you. For instance, I took a Lyft in Baltimore and met a driver who was raised a few towns over from me in NJ. I tell you, there is nothing better than ragging on your hometown with a complete strange who feels almost the same way.

2) You like this station, huh/Is this your iPod?

Listen, music makes the world go round. If the top 40s station is on as a default, feel free to tear the latest T-Swift song to shreds for sounding generic and uninspired. Either the driver will join you on your pretentious rant or defend her like the diehard fan he is. Not feeling up to that, then ask for a station change. If you're lucky, they have Sirius XM or Spotify on deck. The best outcome is they have an aux cord and ask you, "Have anything you want to play?" at which point you thank your lucky stars and show off your fine music selection like the taste maker you are.

3) Is that bush real or is it just a backdrop? [Lyft]

My first two months using Lyft, I was fine living in ignorance, but after a certain point the mystery becomes too much to bare. Obviously, it has to be a faux backdrop. They just stand in front of a green screen or white wall somewhere and email their picture in to the company, right? But what if that's what they want you to think? Maybe that ever-green bush is real. Perhaps Lyft has their shrubbery game on lock and can produce identical bushes all over the country. Ask your driver and find out, why don't cha?

4) So how far do are you guys actually willing to travel?

You're lying to yourself if you never thought, "Hmm... how much would a trip from Manhattan to Jersey City cost?" Will an Uber driver drive 500 miles and then 500 more just to be the Uber driver that drove 1000 miles? How much time do these drivers really have on their hands? Obviously, it varies depending on the kind of person they are. ...but can you bribe them to drive further? If you do, you'll need more conversation starters, so read on!

5) What's it like on your days off?

"Like, who are you outside of this constrictive metal death box you call your office? Like, do you have another job? OMG, do you have a wife? No, you look like you could have a husband. I'm just saying, that ring finger, tho! Ooo, what are your, like, dreams and aspirations? Tell me more, tell me more!" Don't get too invasive, but feel free to get to know them better - especially if you've ridden with them more than once.

6) Have you heard of [insert current popular trending topic]?

As much as I am a fan of real conversations, stray clear of heavy topics like religion, politics, race (i.e. Ferguson, Je Suis Charlie, Police Brutality) unless they have talk radio on. Approach at your own risk, then. Otherwise, you can bring up JBieb's Calvin Klein shoot, Coor's new gluten free beer, any Netflix original show, etc. You see where I'm going with this.

7) Do you compete with other drivers/the other company/How much do taxis hate you?

Rivalries make for fun work environments, or at least interesting environments. Chances are your driver doesn't know any other Lyft/Uber drivers personally. No company picnics for this pack of loners. So, do they try to beat out other drivers for a client? Have they ever felt anxious pulling up to a cab at a red light? Ask the right questions, and you may find that your driver once had her tires slashed.


8) Who's the biggest douche you've driven/What's your best story so far?

With the rating system these ridesharing apps utilize, it's hard to come across an asshole, but once in a drunk night it'll happen. Your driver probably remembers every second of it, especially if it was their first terrible experience with a client. If they don't have a horror story, they'll probably recall the most interesting conversations they've eavesdropped on as friends gabbed in their backseat. It'll be entertaining either way.

9) Did you see that South Park episode a while back?

During the Fall of 2014, South Park produced an episode parodying ridesharing apps that slowly evolved (or devolved, depending on who you ask) into a Wacky Races situation. Watch it, if you haven't already. Then discuss or explain it to your driver. I'm sure it'll intrigue them.

10) Have you gotten laid of this gig yet?

I mean, because if they have, great for them. Maybe you should become a driver, too. Just don't ask them where they had sex with their client. Chances are it was the backseat. And in the case, would it be considered prostitution since they're still on the clock? ...maybe you shouldn't ask this one. #uberafterdark

Remember, only unsocial freaks like myself
don't speak to their drivers on a consistent basis.
Be better than me, my dear friends (and associates).
Til next time.
Word.