Your Fav is Problematic: Interacting with Trans People

Hey, your fav blogger here. Three years ago, I vacationed in Ireland with the sister I share a dead father with as a way to rekindle our relationship. It was a fun trip. I nearly recapped every day of it in blog form but quit after two days when I decided the readership I received wasn't worth the hours I dedicated to each post. Because of this, I never really got to unpack this photo.

The Wednesday or Thursday of our weeklong tour of Southern Ireland, we finally hit the southernmost part of our trek. My sister and I were traveling with a tourist group made up of mostly elderly Asian sightseers and middle-aged white people with plenty of disposable income. Luckily there were four others in their 20s that liked to explore the nightlife. For the first time since our start in Dublin, we found a proper nightclub. Needless to say, my night was full of dancing. I'm not sure if it was the Irish beer (their mixed drinks are WEAK) or my feeling of anonymity, but I danced with a couple of strangers that night. However, for most of the night, my eyes were locked on the two pictured above.

As a gay man, I kept my sexuality hidden from my traveling companions but yearned to find a gay bar anywhere in Ireland. I didn't exactly know why, but I had a feeling the two of them were part of my tribe.

Everyone in my group, including my sister, went back to our hotel two blocks away before last call, but I stayed til closing. When I filed out to the parking lot, I saw the two I'd been spying on standing right in front of me. Filled with liquid courage, I walked up to them and introduced myself. I believe I still had my wits about me, because I asked them if they were trans before I asked if they were drag queens. They replied, "Yeah." I had found the extended members of my LGBT+ family in a strange land, and I did not hide my excitement.

Before I knew it, I asked them if they knew of any gay bars. Sadly, the nightclub was the closest thing to anything LGBT friendly in the area - or most of the Southern tip of Ireland - according to them. Disappointed to hear that, I kept my attitude up as I begged them for a photo to remember this occasion by. Immediately after it was taken, I departed, never to see them again.

For the past three years, this picture still haunts me. I honestly think I freaked them out. Possibly even offended them. It's not as if I asked to see their private areas or anything like that; even three years ago I had more sense than that (thanks to Tumblr). No, from my memories of that night, I don't think I treated them as humans. I used them for information and, even though I knew they were trans, treated them like drag queens there for my meet-and-greet entertainment. This was obviously not my intention, but that's not how offending people works.

I'll be honest. When I first learned about transgender people, I was confused. I think I was still subscribed to the "God doesn't make mistakes" narrative at the time. I've since grown out of it and think of trans people more as God telling us all that gender isn't what we think it is, but that's a post for another day when I have more time in my lunch break.

Luckily, since my experience in Ireland, I've met more trans people. I still feel weird around them because I want to make sure I give them the respect they deserve and use their preferred pronoun and not stare at them and a slew of other problematic things I occasionally have to shun myself for thinking. But I'm trying to learn and do better everyday, trying to undo whatever mental conditioning growing up in a black conservative community did to me. I'm almost positive it's working.

In the meantime, I'm continually sorry to the Irish women I may have offended that night, even if they thought I was just a lovable bloke looking for the craic*. I'm sorry to any trans person I may have met and said the wrong thing to. I'm sorry if I stare or look away completely. I'm just learning and doing my best to not be totally awkward. I hope you'll bare with me during this time.

Word.


* craic - a term for news, gossip, fun, entertainment, and enjoyable conversation, particularly prominent in Ireland. It is often used with the definite article – the craic – as in the expression "What's the craic?" [Wikipedia]

PSA: More Than Just the Presidency

By this point, I suspect all of us have voted early or know who we're voting for President of the U.S. tomorrow. If not, my lanta, how are you still on the fence this close to the election? Sorry, I'm working on my "undecided-shaming;" God's working on all of us.

This 18+ month long election year has been physically and mentally draining on many of us as it pulled our focus to the presidential election. I'm here to remind you all to brush up on your local politics like you're about to cram for a final exam the night before by going over the candidates for other offices and the questions being voted on in your community. If you search online, you can easily find the sample ballot for your area. The more informed and ready you are for the election tomorrow, the faster you can get in and out to prevent long lines and restless citizens from going back to work before they actually vote.

You may be reading my little public service announcement and thinking, "Pish-posh, I'm a democratic; I'm just gonna vote down the line for my party." Well, friend (or associate), I hope you at least voted in your party's primary back in March/April. However, I'd still recommend against blind voting. If you do even a little last minute research, you might find the Green or Libertarian (or dare I say, even the Republican) candidate is more aligned with your beliefs. I'm just saying, it doesn't hurt to look; it does hurt the country if we allow the wrong people to make terrible decisions for our future.

On a similar note, please refrain from selecting every woman you see on the ballot in the name of feminism. Yes, we need more women in positions of power, but just as not all men are fit to lead, not all women can rise to the occasion. Responsible voting is key, especially this season.

If you don't have the opportunity to look up the questions on the ballot ahead of time, please still read them. Most ballots will give a synopsis of what each Bond Issue or Charter Amendment is looking to accomplish. Many of these questions have to do with funding, affordable housing, loans the city want to take out, and what businesses can and can't do in your city.

Though I am based in Baltimore, I want this to reach as many people as possible. I apologize for being non-detailed in this post. However, know I love and respect you all (but I respect you less if you vote for a man and his running mate that will take away my rights and the rights of others).

Remember to plan your election day experience accordingly. Polls are open from 7am to 8pm in Maryland. Some open or close an hour earlier or later in other states. Remember that there may be long lines. Stay as stress-free as possible. Buy your necessary vices tonight; find your small or large viewing party. Plan to call out Wednesday is you foresee Tuesday night going a certain way. Have a safe and happy Election Day. I'll see you all on the other side.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have a big exam tomorrow to study for.

Word.

He Lost 50 Pounds and This Isn't Clickbait!

It's like I'm a pokemon, or something.

As I write this, my least favorite phase of my favorite season has begun as Autumn welcomes Christmas far too early and the temperature drops. That said, I miss being fat.

It was warm; it was cozy; it was comfortable. Do you know how convenient it is to use your belly as a coaster? Now that I'm a #skinnybitch, most of my favorite clothes drape on my body as if I were splashed with too much of the fountain of youth. That said, I've never felt healthier/better.

That's not to say fat people aren't healthy. Many are, and they are beautiful, but I was not enlisted in their ranks. I constantly overate and with horrible food (read: the McDonald's down the block). I sat around all day, barely walking 1000 steps a day. I believe it is only dancing every other week at Ottobar's Twofer Tuesdays* that kept me from hitting 250. (My highest was a little over 235, if you were wondering.)

So how did I lose more or less 50lbs? Well, honestly it happened without me planning it. I found a new job thanks to a friend; this job isn't the most physically demanding job, but I am on my feet all day. According to some device I carry around in my pocket, I clock in between 12-24 thousand steps any given work day. Add in my walking commute to the light rail to and from work every weekday, and you can see why I suddenly wasn't able to fit my pants two months later.

Make no mistake, I recognize if I was a woman, the weight would not have just fallen off with every step I took. It's still a ridiculous concept to think of. Let the record show, I apologize for my male privilege, but excuse me while I revel in it this once.

Once I noticed I was losing weight, I decided to stop overeating. Well, I also need to save money because I was moving to a place with higher rent, so I suppose I stopped more so out of necessity. This meant, I cooked more, which I always preferred anyway. Since I am working a physical labor job, I still get away with carbo-loading, but at least I do it more throughout the day than in one sitting. I've learned that 4-5 smaller meals throughout the day are actually better for you. Well, maybe not better for you. I still get hunger pains towards dinner time, but long as I manage to find a light snack (read: cheap ass dollar store mini-burrito) I'm good.

It wasn't until I plateaued around 206 that I decided to start working out. I knew I would go to a gym regularly, so I decided to use my roommates weights: arm workout one weekend day, abs/chest the other. Eventually I revived an old idea and used Just Dance as a cardio day, making my workout schedule Fri-Sunday. During the first month, I realized I sucked at pushups. Luckily, a wonderful friend suggested a 30-day pushup challenge, and I enlisted my best friend so that we could keep each other on track. When I tell you my titties started perking up after two weeks... Let's just say my friend and I revised the endpoint from 40 pushups to 60, we we're feeling so good.

I've noticed that I'll randomly do pull-ups when I see an opportunity to. I always thought people were showing off when they did that, and sure, part of them are. But at least for me, it's more of a challenge, a "I could never do this before, but now I can and it's amazing; how many can I do!?" feeling. It's definitely weird to live out the jock fantasy I never knew I had.

I remember during my fat years, I told myself that if I ever lost weight I wouldn't make a big deal out of it. I'd ignore people's compliments and respond, "What are you talking about, I've always looked like this." Well, I was lying to myself. As my close circle of friends know, I've developed quite the ego since graduating college. Any small attention or praise I receive will immediately go to my head. If I were paler, I'd blush with every stroke of my ego. I have no shame.

People have obviously noticed, and they've commented positively, asking for my secrets. I hope this post suffices. Like I mentioned before, I didn't mind being bigger. I just knew I was unhealthy; that was the only thing I hated cause I could feel my body giving out on me. Now, my internal organs feel as good as I've always felt about my self body image.

For any of you looking to lose weight, I really don't have any advice for you. I know what worked for me, and I lowkey dread the day I find a better job cause I doubt I'll be moving around as much. But hey, if I gain any weight back, I know how to use it. Who says I wouldn't want to keep it, anyway?

Word.




*Not an advertisement, but their drink deals and DJ are still bumpin.