He Lost 50 Pounds and This Isn't Clickbait!

It's like I'm a pokemon, or something.

As I write this, my least favorite phase of my favorite season has begun as Autumn welcomes Christmas far too early and the temperature drops. That said, I miss being fat.

It was warm; it was cozy; it was comfortable. Do you know how convenient it is to use your belly as a coaster? Now that I'm a #skinnybitch, most of my favorite clothes drape on my body as if I were splashed with too much of the fountain of youth. That said, I've never felt healthier/better.

That's not to say fat people aren't healthy. Many are, and they are beautiful, but I was not enlisted in their ranks. I constantly overate and with horrible food (read: the McDonald's down the block). I sat around all day, barely walking 1000 steps a day. I believe it is only dancing every other week at Ottobar's Twofer Tuesdays* that kept me from hitting 250. (My highest was a little over 235, if you were wondering.)

So how did I lose more or less 50lbs? Well, honestly it happened without me planning it. I found a new job thanks to a friend; this job isn't the most physically demanding job, but I am on my feet all day. According to some device I carry around in my pocket, I clock in between 12-24 thousand steps any given work day. Add in my walking commute to the light rail to and from work every weekday, and you can see why I suddenly wasn't able to fit my pants two months later.

Make no mistake, I recognize if I was a woman, the weight would not have just fallen off with every step I took. It's still a ridiculous concept to think of. Let the record show, I apologize for my male privilege, but excuse me while I revel in it this once.

Once I noticed I was losing weight, I decided to stop overeating. Well, I also need to save money because I was moving to a place with higher rent, so I suppose I stopped more so out of necessity. This meant, I cooked more, which I always preferred anyway. Since I am working a physical labor job, I still get away with carbo-loading, but at least I do it more throughout the day than in one sitting. I've learned that 4-5 smaller meals throughout the day are actually better for you. Well, maybe not better for you. I still get hunger pains towards dinner time, but long as I manage to find a light snack (read: cheap ass dollar store mini-burrito) I'm good.

It wasn't until I plateaued around 206 that I decided to start working out. I knew I would go to a gym regularly, so I decided to use my roommates weights: arm workout one weekend day, abs/chest the other. Eventually I revived an old idea and used Just Dance as a cardio day, making my workout schedule Fri-Sunday. During the first month, I realized I sucked at pushups. Luckily, a wonderful friend suggested a 30-day pushup challenge, and I enlisted my best friend so that we could keep each other on track. When I tell you my titties started perking up after two weeks... Let's just say my friend and I revised the endpoint from 40 pushups to 60, we we're feeling so good.

I've noticed that I'll randomly do pull-ups when I see an opportunity to. I always thought people were showing off when they did that, and sure, part of them are. But at least for me, it's more of a challenge, a "I could never do this before, but now I can and it's amazing; how many can I do!?" feeling. It's definitely weird to live out the jock fantasy I never knew I had.

I remember during my fat years, I told myself that if I ever lost weight I wouldn't make a big deal out of it. I'd ignore people's compliments and respond, "What are you talking about, I've always looked like this." Well, I was lying to myself. As my close circle of friends know, I've developed quite the ego since graduating college. Any small attention or praise I receive will immediately go to my head. If I were paler, I'd blush with every stroke of my ego. I have no shame.

People have obviously noticed, and they've commented positively, asking for my secrets. I hope this post suffices. Like I mentioned before, I didn't mind being bigger. I just knew I was unhealthy; that was the only thing I hated cause I could feel my body giving out on me. Now, my internal organs feel as good as I've always felt about my self body image.

For any of you looking to lose weight, I really don't have any advice for you. I know what worked for me, and I lowkey dread the day I find a better job cause I doubt I'll be moving around as much. But hey, if I gain any weight back, I know how to use it. Who says I wouldn't want to keep it, anyway?

Word.




*Not an advertisement, but their drink deals and DJ are still bumpin.