Mother Nature Doesn't Wanna Be Friends

Hot Take Thursdays. 1st Ed, 2nd Vol. 

I'm a fairly spiritual person. Still working on the religious part, but that what your 20s are for, right? Creationism vs a giant bang aside, there's one thing I feel to be true: Earth is alive and she's trying to kill us. 

How do I know Earth is sentient, you ask? Simple deduction, my good Watsons. I learned in third grade science that all growing organisms are alive. That means the trees, the grass, the carrots, the disgusting brussel sprouts, and the algae on the bottom of the ocean floor feels you among them. If everything that grows from Earth is alive, why wouldn't it be? Don't think of this planet as a giant rock but as a woman with her womb exposed and her mind deep at her center, protected from all that mean it harm. Mother Nature lives among us. 

[At this point in the broadcast I'd like to point out that vegetarians and vegans claiming to only consume "horror-free" foods are still munching on a branch of the conscious among us. Just because they don't bleed red doesn't mean they don't bleed at all! ...but that's a hot take for another Thursday.]

Mother Nature is fighting against our arrogant ways in subtle but obvious ways. Man has been population this land at an alarming rate, scalping Mother Nature to her roots to make way for suitable living and working environments. In retaliation, she sends her agents of moss to cover buildings and reclaim them in her name. Branches will stretch down and wrap their limbs around fences. Her most devoted grass and rose warriors will even push through the cracks of concrete to remind us where they once stood. They refuse to be completely obliterated like the indigenous people of so many countries.  

Landscapers beware; Mother Nature's strike division is on patrol. Cut all the grass and wack all the weeds sprouting in the playground as you will, but pollen comes for us all. The air will become poisonous, causing your nose to run and your lungs to wheeze. You'll be weakened. Jack Frost and Death will come to collect you, the little brothers of Mother herself. 

There's a webcomic that has a man apologizing for the harm we've done to the Earth as he hugs Mother Nature. She tells him not to worry; she will survive as she always has. But his kind, so arrogant in think she needs them, will parish long before she reaches her end. And she laughs and laughs and laughs. 

I don't won't Mother Nature to end me. I'd rather commune with her, tend to her. But she's already made up her mind. The pollen has taken hold. I can feel myself deteriorating from inside out. Why must she attack me personally? This is the cruelest breakup of all time. 

Word