Two days ago, Ted Cruz announced he was pulling out of the Republican primary race for President. Yesterday, John Kasich followed suit, leaving Donald Trump as the party's last man standing. America is one giant step towards a nightmare becoming a reality. I hereby motion we nickname him Freddy Krueger for the remainder of his relevancy.
Part of me is upset Cruz and Kasich jumped out of Sauron's line of vision instead of being the human shields they were propped up to be; the other half of me is fine no longer living in suspense of a Trump nomination. All of me is still in rage that America has allowed Trump to stay around as long as The Simpsons. But before he became the only elephant in the race, a thought crossed my mind - a conspiracy, if you will: the Republican party is trying to tank itself.
It's no secret the Republican party has been struggling throughout the 21st century as far as the presidency is concerned. First there was the wacky duo of G. W. Bush and Dick Cheney, so easy to poke fun at and criticize I was actually sad when their second term was over. John McCain nearly saved racists and bigots from America's first black president, but pairing a Golden Corral Platinum Member with the lunatic lady governor of Alaska was the equivalent of Cheney shooting them in the face. Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan were the sanest candidates the Grand Ol' Party produced in the last decade, but they too had flaws America just couldn't forgive.
For the past year, American citizens registered as Republicans have had to endure the kangaroo court that was the 12-part miniseries called the Republican Primaries. Individually, I believe they all realized they wouldn't be able to vote for any of the candidates come November 8. The decision then became which candidate would be the most entertaining while most certainly turning the GOP on its head and possibly setting it ablaze. The obvious answer was Donald J Trump. He has the most impressive resume as far as television credits and being a self-starter. He's a man Republican voters from 18 to 98 can build up and let tumble into oblivion without causing any psychological harm. They aren't monsters like him, after all.
Of course, the GOP tried their hardest to dissuade the public, but the decision had already been made. They held their private meetings under white cloaks and came to an agreement. Those that held out hope still voted for Ted Cruz, but their numbers dwindled with each primary state election.
Now the Republican party must wait to see if their plan to sandbag themselves will work, or if they've brainwashed themselves into believing Trump could actually be good for this country on the platform he's been championing.
Meanwhile, George Bush Sr cackles the way Dana Carvey taught him as he shakes Bill Clinton's hand and says to him, "Sorry for the eight year delay, but 32 years of straight Bushes and Clintons would have been too suspicious. Tell your wife, 'Happy Birthday' for me when the time comes." Bill doesn't say a word or smile in response. Instead, his security guard hands him the sax he played on the Arsenio Hall Show, and he riffs for the next 12 minutes while Bush Sr claps along. If you listen close enough, you can make out the morse code: J.E.B. doesn't have next.
Best wishes to all you republicans. May your not-so-secret plan to revamp your party work. Playing the game with no worthy opponent is far too boring.
Sincerely, an overconfident, over-hopeful Democrat and American citizen.
Word.
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