Hot Take Thursdays: Make Republicans Great Again

Two days ago, Ted Cruz announced he was pulling out of the Republican primary race for President. Yesterday, John Kasich followed suit, leaving Donald Trump as the party's last man standing. America is one giant step towards a nightmare becoming a reality. I hereby motion we nickname him Freddy Krueger for the remainder of his relevancy.

Part of me is upset Cruz and Kasich jumped out of Sauron's line of vision instead of being the human shields they were propped up to be; the other half of me is fine no longer living in suspense of a Trump nomination.  All of me is still in rage that America has allowed Trump to stay around as long as The Simpsons. But before he became the only elephant in the race, a thought crossed my mind - a conspiracy, if you will: the Republican party is trying to tank itself.

It's no secret the Republican party has been struggling throughout the 21st century as far as the presidency is concerned. First there was the wacky duo of G. W. Bush and Dick Cheney, so easy to poke fun at and criticize I was actually sad when their second term was over. John McCain nearly saved racists and bigots from America's first black president, but pairing a Golden Corral Platinum Member with the lunatic lady governor of Alaska was the equivalent of Cheney shooting them in the face. Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan were the sanest candidates the Grand Ol' Party produced in the last decade, but they too had flaws America just couldn't forgive.

For the past year, American citizens registered as Republicans have had to endure the kangaroo court that was the 12-part miniseries called the Republican Primaries. Individually, I believe they all realized they wouldn't be able to vote for any of the candidates come November 8. The decision then became which candidate would be the most entertaining while most certainly turning the GOP on its head and possibly setting it ablaze. The obvious answer was Donald J Trump. He has the most impressive resume as far as television credits and being a self-starter. He's a man Republican voters from 18 to 98 can build up and let tumble into oblivion without causing any psychological harm. They aren't monsters like him, after all.

Of course, the GOP tried their hardest to dissuade the public, but the decision had already been made. They held their private meetings under white cloaks and came to an agreement. Those that held out hope still voted for Ted Cruz, but their numbers dwindled with each primary state election.

Now the Republican party must wait to see if their plan to sandbag themselves will work, or if they've brainwashed themselves into believing Trump could actually be good for this country on the platform he's been championing.

Meanwhile, George Bush Sr cackles the way Dana Carvey taught him as he shakes Bill Clinton's hand and says to him, "Sorry for the eight year delay, but 32 years of straight Bushes and Clintons would have been too suspicious. Tell your wife, 'Happy Birthday' for me when the time comes." Bill doesn't say a word or smile in response. Instead, his security guard hands him the sax he played on the Arsenio Hall Show, and he riffs for the next 12 minutes while Bush Sr claps along. If you listen close enough, you can make out the morse code: J.E.B. doesn't have next.

Best wishes to all you republicans. May your not-so-secret plan to revamp your party work. Playing the game with no worthy opponent is far too boring.

Sincerely, an overconfident, over-hopeful Democrat and American citizen.


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Hot Takes with Wacko, EP1

Hot Take - an opinion based on simplistic moralizing rather than actual thought. Not to be confused with a strong take. [Urban Dictionary]

Hot Take - a journalism term derisively used to describe a "piece of deliberately provocative commentary that is based almost entirely on shallow moralizing" in response to a news story, "usually written on tight deadlines with little research or reporting, and even less thought." [Wikipedia]

Welcome to a new segment where I take something random I think and try to make sense of it. Will this segment actually return? Who knows. Not me, that's for sure. I know hot takes are usually seen as a negative, at least from my brief research. Some might argue my blog is nothing but hot takes. This may be true, but these hot takes still make you think, beloved.

It's no secret that we're a people obsessed with the past. Our parents might say the current generation is the one always trying to reclaim the 90s, but no, there's more to it than that. Everyone like to reminisce and think of days they once knew or heard about as children. Throwbacks are a national pastime. I'm sure nearly everyone reading this has played the "What Decade Would You Want to Live in Besides This One?" game. Some people answer the groovy 70s. Some want to swing pass the Great Depression into the 40s. Other want to go back further and experience the glorious Roman Empire. (Talkin about Caesar!) Most of these people are white. Playing that game isn't as fun for people of color.

I say that to say this: Hollywood is racist and wants to make as many reenactment and period piece movies and television shows to keep out actors of color. Think about it. Most studios aren't going out of their way to colorblind cast actors in their reenactments. Even Drunk History stays true to color lines for the most part. I've never seen Titanic, but I hear the only color you see during those three hours is on a canvas and in the band as they play while the ship sinks. Or you could just watch this video. At best, minority actors and actress play bit parts or stereotypes because that's what they were seen as during the time. Or on the other side, you get slavery pieces. Those are the successful and popular reenactments we have to choose from, because lord forbid we're cast in films set in Ancient Egypt or anywhere else set in Northeastern Africa. Looking at you, Gods of Egypt.

Luckily, change is in the air. The 90s were a prominent time for black people in the media, and granted it's about an athlete's murder case, I'm happy American Crime Story started its first cycle with the OJ case. It gives me hope the Jimi Hendrix bio-flick didn't.

I couldn't end this hot take without mentioning Hamilton the Musical. It's proof that you can take historical figures, plug in multicultural actors and hip-hop, and have success. It's so successful, it's sold out until the end of the year. You know why it's sold out? Because there was a void for something of this caliber. The viewing public is ready for more diverse and daring works of art. So Hollywood, don't be afraid to take risks on us. We can tell our stories while telling yours. Hopefully you can do the same.

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