6) Become comfortable with wearing shorts

Anyone that's been around me long enough
knows that I only wear jeans.
Search your memory banks, friends,
and you'll know it to be true.
Beside the days I have to work in khakis,
my legs are covered in blue denim.
Winter, Fall, Spring, and especially Summer.

There really isn't so much a story
as there is a simple explanation.
I have eczema.
What that means is that if I don't moisturize my skin
it will become ashy, flaky, and scaly.
They'll even crack and bleed.
Luckily I've been able to treat everything but my hands so far,
those tough leathery bastards.
But back in the day, my skin was simply the pits,
my legs being the worst.
So like any logical kid,
to avoid humiliation I never wore shorts.
Even when we had gym, I wore sweatpants instead.

Though my legs have gotten much better and smoother,
I've still held on to my no shorts policy.
Mostly out of habit,
but also out of fear that my eczema'll catch me slipping.

I don't know what possessed me to include this on the list.
Well no, that's a lie.
It's number 6, so obviously it popped into my head immediately.
I suppose I included it to challenge myself.
To overcome a fear I didn't need to hold on to any longer.
And I'm sure I added it to create more possibilities to my wardrobe as well.

When I was finally ready to embrace my legs,
I posed a simple question to Twitter,
"I keep getting mixed signals on jorts.
What do you guys think about them?"
Jorts, for those that don't know, are jean shorts.
As a guy who knows only jeans,
I figured why not stick with what I know.
Besides, we all know it's the hipster thing to do.
The answers I received were mostly no's.
However, one friend told me wear them if I wanted to let my flame out.
All I needed was one yes to try it. I'm all for more ways for people to easily tell I'm gay.
Shortly after I had made up my mind, I received this response from a trusted gay friend: Who are you, Ellie May Clampett? Fucking nay!
Needless to say, I laid my jorts dreams to rest.

Three weeks later,
I went shorts shopping.
After much browsing in H&M
I found a nice little pair of black shorts.
Cotton, I believe there were.

I got home and tried them on.
They were so tight and short.
I was pleased.
They were very hipster of me.
Also, what gay man doesn't like to show off his ass?

However, my mother wanted to see how they fit me as well.
...she was not pleased with the fit.
She said they went up my crack.
I honestly couldn't tell.
She urged me to return the shorts, and I obliged her.
I don't know why, it's my body. I do what I want!
It might have been because she gave me the money to buy them, though...

The 38s

In any case,
I exchanged the black shorts for a bigger size.
From a size 33 to a size 38.
It was on the discount rack.
The size 38s fit fine with a belt because of the make,
but I miss the snugness of the 33s.
At least they still came above my knees.
Only roughians wear shorts below their knees.
[Is my bougie negro showing yet?]

So how do I actually feel about wearing shorts
now that I've had them for the past 2-3 weeks?
...they're not all bad.
I mean, I hate the breeze that comes across my legs.
It bothers me.
Also, air conditioning chills me much faster now.
However, wearing shorts has it's pluses.
They make great lounge wear,
allow the legs to move around freely while dancing,
and they're not a bad way to switch up how I wear a t-shirt.

Will I buy more shorts?
I honestly don't know yet.
Only time will tell.
I have been eyeing an old pair of jeans
with a hole at the knees that I could cut up though. :-D
Word.