Baby's First Earthquake

As a 22 year old man living in Newark, NJ
I always thought I'd have to worry about a stray bullet
more than a falling ceiling fan killing me.
Well apparently Mother Nature thought it'd be funny
to remind me that anything is possible.

So apparently there has been a 5.8 scale earthquake in the DMV area.
My prayers go out to everyone who was caught in the midst of that.

I'm just surprised that it shook the whole East Coast.
Correction, I'm surprised there was an earthquake on this side of the states at all.
Did Pangaea fuck us all and now we're on the West Coast?
I'll be damned.

It started as my chair and table rocking back and forth.
At first I just thought it was a big ass rat fucking with my emotions.
Then the floor started to shake.
My heart beat faster as my body froze.
But I tell you what,
if stuff decided to fall from the ceiling
I would have tucked and rolled so fast!

After the mini shock subdues
of course I go to update Twitter
because I am a slave to social media.
I swear I thought it was just my imagination running away with me like the Temptations
Sure enough I see people from Maryland to NYC talking about the shake.
Have I never been more glad to be a slave.

The last thing I tweeted was:
I feel like I should hide in a closet in case it the earthquake comes back... but I promised myself never again. #gayboyproblem
I always like to make light of a situation, you know.

If Walmart is smart,
they'll start selling Earthquake kits
all along the East Coast
before people forget.

If there's anything I learned from the East Coast Earthquake of 2011 it's this:
IT AIN'T SAFE NO MOOOOOOORE!
Word.