The Benefits of Onesies

The last few years, onesies have been coming back into popular culture. Or maybe I just think so because I spend too much time on the internet. Anyway, here's a listicle.

1) Nostalgia
Listen, we're all millenials here. Trust me, I hate that term, too. But 90s kids just doesn't accurately describe people between 18 and 34. [I feel generations are more of a seven year stretch, but that's an argument for another time.] Fact is, many of us in that age bracket are reminiscent as all hell. We love to fetishize our favorite 80s and 90s TV shows and movies. Some of the terrible fashion of those times have returned because we wanted them to. So why not welcome onesies back into your heart? Feel their warm embrace and be transported back to the days of being seven, watching Saturday morning cartoons, and eating cereal.

2) Cold Weather
You know what's better than getting under the covers during the winter? Wearing a damn blanket during the winter. Onesies are warm, warmer than some sweaters - because it's all one piece. Zip it up and all that fine body heat stays trapped inside. Besides, you know what's cold when you first hop in it? Your bed. You know what's not? That onesie hanging in your closet. Now put it on and hop around like a bunny.

3) Cuffing Season
With cold weather comes cuffing season. If you're unaware, cuffing season comes about every Autumn/Winter. Having spent the summer being free and promiscuous, plenty of single people find themselves wanting a companion to share the winter with so they don't have to face the harsh conditions of the winter. Well, sometimes you fail at finding someone to cuff; so why not get yourself a companion you can step into like a Tauntaun and listen to this fine playlist I curated. Onesies: they'll always be there to cradle you into the night.

4) Outside's Overrated
As previously explained, no one wants to go outside during the winter. Stay inside with your onesie. You can wear it with clothes or go commando. Who cares, because technically you're still wearing something. And you know what, if you really want to, you can go outside in an onesie. Check your mail. Go to the corner store. Sit down and write a memoir at your local coffee shop. If you get a dark colored onesie and throw a jacket over it, no one will be the wiser. Trust me, a former roommate knows from experience.

5) Parties/Costumes
Onesie. One piece. One item. That's all your costume will consist of. Easy to put on; easy to keep track off. And it's always machine washable if you get a stain. If enough of your posse has them, you can throw annual parties where you daydrink and stay warm. Doesn't that sound like the best thing ever? I know, because it is.

6) F*** Snuggies
Self-explanatory.

7) Stylish
You think onesies just come in cute animals and cartoon characters? Wrong. They come in cute patterns, too. That means you can look cool around the lodge when you take that skiing trip I won't be accompanying you on.

8) Affordable
You can go to Amazon right now and find adult onesies ranging between $15 and $45. Some of you pay $37.26 for a sweater. This is a whole outfit. Some of them even have feet! Hoods! Pockets! BUTTFLAPS! You don't even have to disrobe. You're paying 30 bucks for the warmest poop of your life. You just can't beat that.

I hope I've convinced you all to purchase onesies so that I can wear my rotation all winter without fear of ridicule. Stay toasty, my dear friends and associates.

Word.