Happy Valentine's Day weekend, you paired-off fools! While all my couple friends forsake me for the next few days, I hope to host a singles mixer to celebrate our freedom and bitterness around a bonfire. No, I'm lying. I don't have the space to create a proper controlled fire. I'll probably just end up catching up on two weeks of Youtube subscriptions or reading the book for my book club on Monday. Maybe spice it up with a little Tinder action.
That's right, baby makers, the gays have invaded your precious fornication playground! Not that I'm having much luck myself, being the worst and all. I think the creators of Tinder made it too much like a video game. Swiping left and right dehumanizes my fellow men of a homosexual nature. They're not real. So when I swipe right and the screen notifies me that "IT'S A MATCH!" my fight or flight reflex kicks in and I throw my phone across the room. After I've gained my composure, I retrieve my phone and decide if he's good looking and interesting enough to muster up courage for an introductory message. I'm not saying I have high standards; I'm just saying I have a low sent-message rate.
Why am I so shy? Isn't the internet supposed to be where everyone has the most courage? If people aren't real until you meet them, then why do I have a problem treating them like play things? I suppose my empathy levels are over 9000. Or maybe I'm still not ready for a relationship.
I think mostly I'm bored with online dating. For the most part, Baltimore produces the same crop of gays. I'm not talking demographic-wise; I mean I see the same faces in the same locations on Grindr and Scruff. It's kind of like walking through a video game's dungeon and getting annoyed that you keep running into the same monsters. Where's the variety? Where's the unexpectedness? Instead I'm faced with guys I don't want to be bothered with bothering me while I daydream about guys I can never have.
Ultimately, I'm stopping myself from finding love. Rejection still scares me but it shouldn't. People say no, and I have to learn how to deal with being unwanted. Not having a reliable mode of transportation is an obstacle, as well. When did dating turn into a job application? Damn the advances of the 21st century!
Maybe I'll take the MARC train into DC more often. It'd be a nice change of pace, and something tells me they may have more queer spaces than Baltimore has to offer. Granted, talking to strangers in person is more of a challenge for me but one I've been meaning to work on. ...or I can just drag a friend along and force them to be my Barney Stinson.
But enough of my wallowing. Go forth and frolic, you eager little bunnies. Celebrate your joyous unions. I wish Valentine's Day babies on only those financially prepared and bored with life.
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