My Totally Biased 16 Best Albums of 2016

To quote someone online I wish I could give the credit to, "2016 has been a terrible movie with an amazing soundtrack." I've always thought music is best to help people get through rough times, which is why I'm glad I didn't mope around all year because I decided to save listening to new music until mid-November. ...okay, enough reading myself.

In years past, though I claimed this to be my biased list, I compromised a few positions for albums I didn't quite enjoy but were critically acclaimed. This year, I'm returning to my selfish, hilarious roots and basing my ratings on three factors: how well the artists stick to their thesis statement (first 1 or 2 tracks), lyrical/production level, and the percentage of tracks I actually like. Prepare thyself for the best (and worst parts) of my favorite albums.

16) J. Cole's 4 Your Eyez Only
Release Date: December 9
Runtime: 44:32

From the first listen, I wanted to hate on 4 Your Eyez Only. My fake disdain for J Cole isn't as adamant as it is for Drake (Views actually is trash, tho), but that doesn't stop me from making the "this album is audio NyQuil" jokes. People have been giving him props for dropping an album with no features, but then who's the lil girl on Ville Mentality, huh? However, after talking to a friend, I listened again and realized it's another solid album from Jermaine. He comes with the same lyrical talent we expect from him, still not ashamed to shy away from record label mandated club bangers. The album works for its chill appeal. I still think he used the Exchange (Bryson Teller) sample a little too soon, but the track grows on you. Also, who knew he had a wife and daughter? This album is fairly family oriented. I guess that's what we get for sleeping on the best rapper since Dr. Seuss.

Hit Single:
none
Standout Tracks:
Ville Mentality
She's Mine Pt 1
You Can Skip It:
Foldin Clothes - because Jermaine talked about almond milk and I almost caught an intolerance for him again

15) Tinashe's Nightride
Release Date:  November 4
Runtime: 51:32

Known to some as Tennis Shoe, Tinashe finally releases an album to make those people call her by the proper pronunciation of her name. Do you remember that sensual R&B from the early to middle 00s that made you want to rub your breast in a circular motion even though you might not have had any? Nightride is more or less an updated version of that vibe. Though this album doesn't have enough singles to be a commercial success, this 23 year old gets over the sophomore album hump so that you can hump someone to her music. If you prefer to hear your partner breathe during those intimate moments, it's a great album to clean the house to as well. Just vibe out and let Metro Boomin and her other producers deliver Tinashe's flourishing pop-R&B vocals to you.

Hit Single:
Party Favors
Standout Tracks:
Sunburn
Touch Pass
You Can Skip It:
Ride of Your Life - because it will take you on the ride of a throwaway single RCA probably made her record 

14) Regina Spektor's Remember Us to Life (Deluxe)
Release Date: September 30
Runtime: 60:14

Everyone knows I love my white women singer-songwriters. More than not, there's always at least one on my lists. This year's spot goes to the acclaimed OITNB theme maker Ms. Spektor herself. She really has a way with words; so many times I found myself pausing on a certain phrase, my favorite probably being, "'Enjoy your youth,' sounds like a threat, but I will anyway." Her pianist skills will make you want to sway in the wind like a tree. She'll lull you to sleep while planting thoughts of reflection in your head. (Though be careful, they are some tracks that can send you into a nightmare.) But hey, if that's not your jam, she even made a diss track, well as best a diss track a singer-songwriter could make. So it's one of the best of all time; I just wish I knew who she was spittin these bars at.

Hit Single:
Bleeding Heart
Standout Tracks:
Older and Taller
Small Bill$
You Can Skip It:

Grand Hotel - because she forgot to make is about Wes Anderson's latest masterpiece

13) D.R.A.M.'s Big Baby D.R.A.M.
Release Date: October 21
Runtime: 53:25

You ever wonder what if T-Pain made a comeback with less autotune and more rapping but still came with the oddly-soothing vocals? Well that's why this dude Does Real Ass Music. (Yes, that's what D.R.A.M. stands for.) I won't lie, when Drake stole D.R.A.M.'s Cha Cha shine last year, I feared he might not even reach the one-hit wonder success I foresaw for him. Luckily, D.R.A.M. doesn't let up, giving us one of the best songs of the summer (which is now Grammy nominated). This debut album is leaps and bounds better than his mixtape #1Epic, and it'll have you walking up to your crush with a slanted two-step as you rap-sing to them. My only critique is that he talked far too much about smartphone culture to not have named this album something more tech-related, but I'm a forgiving lover of music.

Hit Single:
Broccoli [feat Lil Yachty]
Standout Tracks:
WiFi [feat Erykah Badu]
Cute
You Can Skip It:
Misunderstood [feat Young Thug] - because it's too hard a track for an album called Big Baby

12) The 1975's I Like It When You Sleep, for You Are So Beautiful yet So Unaware of It
Release Date: February 26
Runtime: 73:55

It wouldn't be a "best of" list without an album with a really long title from a pop-rock band, but this title couldn't be anymore spot on. In fact, it wins the coveted "Thesis Award" from me. From their lead single "Love Me," I expected the 1975's debut album to be super angsty rock disguised as pop music. And maybe that album was, but this is their sophomore album and judging from NME's ratings they win the "Most Improved" award as well. Instead I Like It When... features many endearing tells of the heart and instrumental tracks perfect for NYU's and MICA's student art films, though there are still its fair share of electrical moments. Matthew Healy's lead vocals are more angelic than I predicted them to be, especially when backed by a choir. Clocking in at 73:55, it's one of the longest albums on the list, though with better editing it could have been higher on the list.

Hit Single:
Love Me
Standout Tracks:
Ughh!!!
If I Believe You
Loving Someone
You Can Skip It:
Paris - because it's an average "remember those times we had" track they could have kept for their B-sides

11) Phantogram's Three 
Release Date: October 7
Runtime: 36:53

So there's this one bar/venue I love in Baltimore called Ottobar that's basically a mix of hipsters, grunge rockers, and the occasional black people. If Phantogram performed nothing but this album, the show would more than likely sell out. If you close your eyes, you can easily imagine yourself in a dark room with strobe lights flashing as you dance with next to no rhythm without a care to half of these tracks. The other way I could best describe Three is as a giant bonfire that burns between your ears. Often I forget Phantogram is more than just Sarah Barthel, but when Josh Carter joins her vocally, I'm reminded of his wonderful production skills throughout the album. If you're looking for an album to hold you over til the next XX release, this is a more than a great alternative.

Hit Single:
You Don't Get Me High Anymore
Standout Tracks:
Cruel World
You're Mine
You Can Skip It:
Calling All - because it's hard to tell what it's a slut shaming or sex positive song, but you'll still want to dance to it

10) A Tribe Called Quest's We Got It From Here... Thank You 4 Your Service
Release Date: November 11
Runtime: 60:16

I'm not sure if anyone ever expected another A Tribe Called Quest album, well with them disbanding a few years ago and Phife Dawg dying this year. However, the whole crew had been lurking in the shadows all year, cooking up one of the best hip-hop albums of the year. Still featuring verses from Phife, Q-Tip and Jarobi enlist the entire woke hiphop community to help them with this latest release, calling upon Busta Rhymes and Consequence the most. Some might call the two the unsung heroes of this album. Though, all the guests can be considered unsung as A Tribe Called Quest chose to make them all temporary members of the group and not list anyone as featured. If you love revived 90s hiphop and creative ways to talk about today's issues, you're going to love this album. You might even find a wild Outkast member hiding in the love below.

Hit Single: 
We The People
Standout Tracks:
Space Program
Kids...
Mobius
You Can Skip It:
The Donald - because it's a reference to Donald Trump and we don't need to be reminded of him anymore than we have to be

9) James Blake's The Colour in Anything
Release Date: May 6
Runtime: 76:13

My favorite trance-inducing, alabaster prince has returned! There's just something about the way James Blake ramps up his tracks that gets me every time. In a year that was hard to see the brightside, he made me able to see The Colour in Anything. Okay, but all corny jokes aside, this is another great album about love lost and dealing with it and deciding if it's worth recapturing. His third album, it is by far the longest he's ever recorded. At times, you can almost notice how much of a task it was for him to stretch his emotions over 17 tracks, but he manages to pull you back in before he treats you with a guest spot from Bon Iver. It's like having two therapeutic sandmen battle over who wants to tuck you in; it shouldn't feel as comforting as it does but it just does. Feel free to body roll through your listening experience.

Hit Single:
Modern Soul
Standout Tracks:
Radio Silence
Two Men Down
You Can Skip It:
Meet You in the Maze - because by the end of the album, you get that he likes the accordion effect on his voice

8) Bruno Mars' 24K Magic
Release Date: November 18
Runtime: 33:28

Have you ever wanted a 5'5" Hawaiian man to sing you sweet nothings in the style of your favorite 90s artists? Well, Bruno Mars has you covered. Even before he worked with Mark Ronson on "Uptown Funk," we all knew the little man was a hit maker, but this album takes his abilities to a whole new level as he gives us some of the best choruses of his career. Need I saw no more than, "Throw some perm on your attitude; girl you gotta relax. Let me show you what you got to do, you gotta lay it back!" This is honestly one of those albums you can throw on from start to finish and dance/lip sync the whole way through. He even gives you an interlude while channelling his inner Michael Jackson, allowing you a moment to throw your lovely on the closest flat surface. 24k Magic just makes me anxious for summer to return.

Hit Single:
24K Magic
Standout Tracks:
Perm
Calling All My Lovelies
You Can Skip It:
Straight Up & Down - because it's actually not that good to bump & grind to, though I don't know nothin' 'bout that...

7) Childish Gambino's "Awaken, My Love!"
Release Date: December 2
Runtime: 48:57

This is not a rap album; I repeat, this is not a rap album. This is the revival of psychedelic soul you didn't know you urgently needed. Is your mind blown like that .gif of Troy from Community? Donald Glover has long been a man of many talents, producing and singing being among them. There were many times when I found myself in disbelief that it was actually him singing on the track, as it feels like a soul collective coming together to deliver a sound they've worked on for months. With not a single rapped lyric on the album, "'Awaken, My Love'" is a collection of tracks that explores Gambino's more love oriented side as he uses the music of the ancestors to communicate those feelings. Upon your first listen, his techniques can feel a little forced, but once you surrender yourself to the funk, all will feel right.

Hit Single: 
Redbone
Standout Tracks:
California
Zombies
You Can Skip It:
Have Some Love - because it's here that he tries his hardest to embody the spirit of the funk and it could be what turns folks away from the rest of the tracks

6) Kanye West's The Life of Pablo
Release Date: February 14
Runtime: 66:39

Oh look, it's my (very) problematic fav. Doing my duty as a loyal fan and temporarily disregarding my role as a responsible citizen, I'll have to overlook Mr. West's past transgressions and give him his props. When The Life of Pablo first dropped, I called it my least favorite Kanye album, but even his worst is better than other people's best efforts. Even when he gives us disgusting lyrics about getting bleach on his t-shirt, I have to admire him for keeping us talking and giving us memorable lines. He gives us a vaguely hiphop-gospel album while reminding us he's still the cocky, vile human being he's evolved into. (A quick thanks to Chance the Rapper for the best verse of the album.) However, I'm most disappointed in Mr. West for giving us an incomplete album and disguising it as innovation by constantly "evolving" his album. With everything he's done recently, I'm not sure if I'll be able to listen to any future Yeezy albums, but I do know for a fact that I miss the Old Kanye.

Hit Single: 
Fade (feat Post Malone & Ty Dolla $ign)
Standout Tracks:
Ultralight Beam (feat Chance the Rapper & 'em)
No More Parties in L.A. (feat Kendrick Lamar)
You Can Skip It:
Waves (feat Chris Brown) - because who hires Breezy to record a hook for them anymore; f**kbois, that's who

5) Rihanna's Anti (Deluxe)
Release Date: January 28
Runtime: 50:56

Long my favorite billy goat, Rihanna has finally evolved past just one of my favorite online presences. With this album, she finally gives us an album instead of a collection of singles and filler tracks. It is by far her most cohesive body of work, and through her single chart toppings somewhat suffered because of it, "Work" more than made up for it. Many of the tracks feature a distorted sound that works great for her vocal abilities and flair. I finally found myself wanting to single along to her music. I knew this was one of my favorite albums when during the times I cancelled my Apple Music subscription, I felt the urge to listen to Anti. She also managed to beautifully cover one of my favorite songs of 2015 "Same Ol' Mistakes" by Tame Impala. By the way, if anyone has a mashup of both versions, please send it my way.

Hit Single:
Work (feat. Drake)
Standout Tracks:
Needed Me
Sex With Me
You Can Skip It:
Closer to You - because while Rihanna's vocals are definitely improving, piano ballads are still not her friend

4) Kaytranada's 99.9%
Release Date: May 6
Runtime: 59:08

Kaytranada is not his high on the list because he's a queer-negro from Montreal; he just happens to be a queer-negro from Montreal and on this list. He's an amazing producer who's been giving us the best remixes via Soundcloud the past three years, and his debut album was long awaited. This is yet another album you can throw on from start to finish and vibe/drive/dance/clean/alltheabove to. Except for one instance, every track seamlessly flows into the next, whether there be a featured artist on it or not. Speaking of, Kay was able to pull in all of the best up and coming names like Goldlink, Anderson Paak., and Syd while pulling in some names we haven't heard from in a while. Ya'll, he made Craig David hot again. I cared about a Craig David song in 2016. If that doesn't signal to you how essential to music this young man is, I don't know what will.

Hit Single:
Glowed Up (feat Anderson .Paak)
Standout Tracks:
Lite Spots
Drive Me Crazy (feat Vic Mensa)
You Can Skip It:
Track Uno - only because Kay couldn't think of a better title

3) Chance the Rapper's Coloring Book
Release Date: May 13
Runtime: 57:14

Even though Chance proclaims he's "the only nigga still care about mixtapes," Coloring Book is an album, and don't let Chance try to tell you otherwise. This album is so good, that even as an independent artist, he received a Grammy nomination for it. Though very feature heavy, Coloring Book still allows Chancellor to flourish as the skillful lyricist and raspy singer he is. Why do you think he only used Kanye for the hook of his album's intro? He only needed the cosign; also he might not have been able to afford the verse since he stayed true to himself and gave this album out for free. With topics ranging from losing friends, loving his daughter, Peter Pan, and asking people for gas money, this gospel-delic rap album is like food for the soul. If being this positive in your music is wrong, I don't wanna be right. Where's my choir robe?!

Hit Single:
Angels (feat Saba)
Standout Tracks:
Summer Friend (feat Jeremih & Francis & the Lights)
Same Drugs
You Can Skip It:Blessings (2) - only because Chance decided to confuse me when my iPod is on shuffle

2) Solange's A Seat at the Table
Release Date: September 30
Runtime: 51:43

And the award for "Blackest Album of the Year" goes to... pop vocalist, Solange Knowles! When you have a track titled "F.U.B.U." it's hard not to acquire that accolade. Solange's soulful voice has grown into its final form as she gives us the best album of her career. A Seat at the Table invites all into the conversation of what it means to be black in America and trying to prosper through the forgotten art of the interlude. Featuring short accounts from her parents and multiple from rap mogul Master P, Solange follows up each one with a song so good it leaves you wondering whether the chicken or the egg came first. The-Dream, Sampha, and others lend their producing talents while Tweet, Raphael Saadiq, Kelly Rowland, and Andre 3000 hide behind the backing vocals of many of the songs. (That's right, Tweet's back and she don't plan on leaving!) This album, most of all, is about self-love and -care, and if you don't understand that, Master P and I will get the Avon Lady to pop the trunk on you.

Hit Single: 
Cranes in the Sky
Standout Tracks:
Mad (feat Lil Wayne)
F.U.B.U. (feat The-Dream & B.J. the Chicago Kid)
You Can Skip It:
Scales (feat Kelela) - only because it's a grower (not a show-er) and reminds you that the album is almost over

1) Beyoncé's Lemonade
Release Date: April 23
Runtime: 45:49

Gurl. Duh. Like, c'mon. You should have guessed this as soon as Big Freedia came on the single version of "Formation" and "told ya'll,  I did not come to play with you hoes. I came to slay, bitch." Beyoncé is one of the best singers and entertainers of our generation. She knows when to innovate and change the game, and she did that by premiering her album as an hour long visual special on HBO. It inspired both black women and Jay-Z reaction memes.
Her vocal game is still as tight as ever. Starting from her opening pseudo-ballad about suspicions to her hopeful outlook for the future on "All Night," Beyonce gives us another honest look inside her life as she explores infidelity, her relationship with her father, and finding strength in a world that wants to break you down. The impact this album has transcended blackness; even white men recognize the greatness that is Lemonade. The slander Beyonce spews over "Sorry" and "Don't Hurt Yourself" is wonderful. The charisma, uniqueness, nerve, and talent she shares on "6 Inch" leaves people in awe. Her Cajun country song still has haters in their feelings.
It's at times like these I wonder when will Beyoncé ever stop forcing me to place her on top of my list. But then I think again and I am thankful for the opportunity to have her grace me with her presence once again.

Hit Single: 
Formation
Standout Tracks:
Sorry
Love Drought
You Can Skip It:
Forward (feat James Blake) - only because it features the fewest Beyonce vocals; shout out to James Blake the Porcelain-Skinned Gawd


Honorable Mentions
Blood Orange's Freetown Sound
Bon Iver's 22, A Million
Frank Ocean's Blonde
Lady Gaga's Joanne
Radiohead's A Moon Shaped Pool
Young Thug's Jeffery

Yup, this was one good ass year for black music. Or maybe it was just a very good year to embrace my blackness? Either way, it's been lit, ya'll. If you'd like to check out my past lists, you can check them out here: 2015, 2014, and 2013. Til next year, stay boppin.

Word


[I made an Apple Music Playlist of all the Standout Tracks here. Enjoy.]

Online Dating and Me

[This post is a follow up to last week's Missed Connections. It is also the one year anniversary of this self deprecating piece of trash. Enjoy them, if you'd like, before reading this garbage. Or just read this one; I don't know how much time you have before your boss comes back.]


I am seldomly a practicing homosexual. The past decade, I'd say I've tuned my skills 1.25 times a year. It's hard to tell if I'm genuinely disinterested in most guys, lazy, or just content with my current lifestyle; either way, my love life has always lacked total mutual attraction.

As far back as my elementary school years, I can remember that none of the girls I pretended to date were especially into me. They appreciated the attention, but they usually dismissed me as the silly smart kid. It wasn't until high school when I met my first girlfriend that I would become the one giving less than 100% to the relationship. Don't get me wrong; I took her on dates and made up for all the time our separate schools would take away from us. But I was never fully into her. Besides her being a little unbalanced emotionally at the time, I think we all know why it didn't work out between us. Before my junior year was over, I broke up with the girl who messaged me via MySpace.

Two year laters, MySpace would strike again, as a stranger messaged me from what I can recall as the first time. The attention he gave me was very welcome, and before the summer was over I had my first boyfriend. On our second date, I invited him over my mom's house to practice. It was during this session that he revealed that he loved me. I was 19, so I lied and said the same back. A week after, I returned to college and realized he was much more into me than I was into him. Not wanting to string him along, I broke it off with him by revealing how untruthful I had been. It wasn't a clean break, from what I remember, but eventually I turned into enough of a jerk to ward him off.

Since those two relationships, no one else has been interested or crafty enough to trap me into a relationship. Sure, there have been dates and hookups sprinkled between now and then, but nothing that stuck. The closest someone came was a guy from Montreal.

How did I end up talking to a fellow from Montreal, you might ask. Well, the internet is again a wonderful thing, and homosexuals have several apps and websites to choose from. I don't feel like disclosing what kind of website it was, but it wasn't a fetish website. (It was basically a fetish website.) He gave me enough praise and attention to reel me back in after he would start to creep me out and/or become more invested in me than I was him. He kept saying I should move to Montreal to be with him, but I never seriously entertained the thought. I did eventually, however, see him when I traveled to Canada with a group of friends last year. We spent two nice nights together. If I lived in the providence of the French, there's a chance we might have actually started dating. But I knew myself well enough to know long distance wouldn't work. So once again, I activated my jerk factor until he left me alone. (He's currently reaching out to me again. What can I say, attention is ok.)

Hopefully you've noticed the trend, because it took me until last year to figure it out. My pattern seems to be to crush on guys that I don't think I can obtain (straight, in a relationship, out of my league), so I wait for someone to come to me. The problem then becomes that I'm generally uninterested in those attempting to court me. I haven't fully determined why this Venn Diagram doesn't intersect yet, but something tells me I'm a self-saboteur.

Part of me has always thought I'm not ready for a relationship, be it either financially or emotionally. Even though I developed a fairly positive value in my worth, it's still hard for me to see it as a product others would purchase from my merch store. So what is it about me that refuses to sell when someone wants in?

There are most recent tales I can recount from the past few months, but for the sake of time, let's return to my adventure with Puma from last week.

Puma messaged me a couple days after I sent him a message asking how he liked Baltimore in Conservation. His response lacked next to no awkwardness. This must have communicated to my subconscious that he was ready for all of my anxiety, so I revealed how "nervous" I was to the point of sounding like an idiot. We traded messages for about half an hour before things died down because I felt I had sabotaged myself enough. The validation of him responding back to me was enough. Since that interaction last week, I've thought of him on and off, but nothing that warrants me reaching out to him again.

I really wish I could unlock whatever last block that's keeping me from a successful dating career. A psychiatrist would help, but who has money for that? And I always mean to discuss this pattern with friends, but I usually forget about myself as I listen to their weekly recaps. My good friends (and associates), I beg for your help on this one. I don't want to write another piece about how single-but-fine-but not-really I am this time next year. Help me break the cycle. Or just start having kids, so I can distract myself with becoming more of a gay uncle.

Word.

Missed Connections

Last week I had the privilege (thanks to a great friend) of attending two very black and very queer events: a screening of the movie Moonlight and Baltimore in Conversation. I've been wanting to get more involved in Baltimore's queer community for some time now, and these were great opportunities to do so. Unfortunately, the way my anxiety and awkwardness is set up, I didn't get very far.

Through Johns Hopkins hosting a screening at the Charles Theatre, I was able to see Moonlight for free, but not before I took advantage of the free food they were providing. I showed up with my roommate an hour before the movie started (which is the time Hopkins put as the start time so that everyone would so up early/on time, or so I want to believe). As we snacked on the light dinner provided, I noticed glances from the other black gays in attendance and immediately realized I was sitting with a group of all white women. I felt judged, but I didn't mind the company I was keeping that night. It did, however, keep me from interacting with any of them.

Feeling defeated on my first objective of the night, I pocketed my popcorn voucher (a PrEP business card with a smiling black face on it) and filed into the movie theatre. Before the film started, we were joined by one of my roommate's black classmates, who took a liking to me quickly and insisted that the black man photographing the event take a pic of our whole group.

If you haven't seen Moonlight yet, go see it; it's a great coming of age story despite the protagonist not being a straight white man.  I almost teared up but found something to laugh at instead, because I am who I am. After the movie, a panel was going to discuss the themes of the movie. I knew I should have stayed, but I was growing restless and just wanted to retreat home. Zero for two on my "connecting with the community" list, if you're keeping count.

The next night, I stepped back out into the night and walked a mile and a half to MICA where the latest installation of Baltimore in Conversation was being held. BiC's mission is to give voices to queer people of color and to have their stories be told. Two trans voices were to be featured that night. I visited BiC's Spring gathering and was impressed with the stories that were shared and wanted to find my way into their group.

I arrived to the scene before my friend who had invited me arrived, so I waited outside in the cold like any logical awkward person would. After receiving [let's call her Meg]'s text, I joined her for another light dinner we were both afraid to get stuck in our teeth, which is right when we were asked to give our thoughts on the night in front of a camera. Following her lead, I fought through my nerves and fears about my speech impediment and gave clear and semi-insightful answers to the interviewer's questions. By the time we wrapped up, I felt a +1 confidence bonus surge my body.

Minutes later, Meg introduced me to one of the organizers of the event, the same tall, muscles-bulging-from-his-shirt Nigerian man she introduced me to at the last event. This time I was going to impress him... until he asked me for my business card and I didn't have one to trade with him. -6 to my confidence, resulting in my lack of desire to find him again as he moved on to socialize with other people. Someday I'm going to get the hang of this networking thing.

Having taken all the L's I thought I could take in two days, I followed Meg and our other friend to our seats before the show began. Meg asked me if I met Puma at the Moonlight screening, a fellow she thought I would like who help organized it, and I replied that I must have missed him.

Baltimore in Conversation is very focused on community building, obviously, so before and between every "act" they ask the audience to speak with people they don't know. Surprisingly, I managed to do this on my own at the Spring event. Though I didn't have the energy for it this time, I prepared myself to fake it until I made it. That was until I turned around to talk to the guys sitting behind us and Meg introduced one as Puma. Upon seeing his face, it all registered to me and I quickly turned around in embarrassment.

It turned out Puma and I matched on Tinder about a year ago. We had a short conversation that fizzled out, but he messaged me again earlier in the week randomly. I didn't see it until the morning of BiC and decided not to respond to it because I had nothing clever to say. It would also turn out that I had seen Puma at the Moonlight screening: once as the smiling black man on the PrEP popcorn voucher and again as the man taking my photo.

My being told me to turn around and make conversation with him, to bring up everything so it's just out and not awkward, to cease the opportunity in front of me, but instead I quietly introduced myself to the three men behind me and sat in silence for the rest of the night.

What's ironic about this last experience is that most guys on Tinder aren't real to me. Tinder almost feels like an egotistical video game only there to improve my self-worth. It's hard for me to talk to men there because it doesn't feel organic, and I often wished that I could just meet men in person through friends. Yet there I was, faced with just that situation, and I froze. I reverted back to my awkward self and doubted my conversational skills.

The only solace I can take is that I messaged Puma the next day. I doubt it'll even work but we'll s-- [typing interrupted by a Tinder notification]. Oh. Well, um, I guess I'll need to write a part two. Til then.

Word.

Your Fav is Problematic: Interacting with Trans People

Hey, your fav blogger here. Three years ago, I vacationed in Ireland with the sister I share a dead father with as a way to rekindle our relationship. It was a fun trip. I nearly recapped every day of it in blog form but quit after two days when I decided the readership I received wasn't worth the hours I dedicated to each post. Because of this, I never really got to unpack this photo.

The Wednesday or Thursday of our weeklong tour of Southern Ireland, we finally hit the southernmost part of our trek. My sister and I were traveling with a tourist group made up of mostly elderly Asian sightseers and middle-aged white people with plenty of disposable income. Luckily there were four others in their 20s that liked to explore the nightlife. For the first time since our start in Dublin, we found a proper nightclub. Needless to say, my night was full of dancing. I'm not sure if it was the Irish beer (their mixed drinks are WEAK) or my feeling of anonymity, but I danced with a couple of strangers that night. However, for most of the night, my eyes were locked on the two pictured above.

As a gay man, I kept my sexuality hidden from my traveling companions but yearned to find a gay bar anywhere in Ireland. I didn't exactly know why, but I had a feeling the two of them were part of my tribe.

Everyone in my group, including my sister, went back to our hotel two blocks away before last call, but I stayed til closing. When I filed out to the parking lot, I saw the two I'd been spying on standing right in front of me. Filled with liquid courage, I walked up to them and introduced myself. I believe I still had my wits about me, because I asked them if they were trans before I asked if they were drag queens. They replied, "Yeah." I had found the extended members of my LGBT+ family in a strange land, and I did not hide my excitement.

Before I knew it, I asked them if they knew of any gay bars. Sadly, the nightclub was the closest thing to anything LGBT friendly in the area - or most of the Southern tip of Ireland - according to them. Disappointed to hear that, I kept my attitude up as I begged them for a photo to remember this occasion by. Immediately after it was taken, I departed, never to see them again.

For the past three years, this picture still haunts me. I honestly think I freaked them out. Possibly even offended them. It's not as if I asked to see their private areas or anything like that; even three years ago I had more sense than that (thanks to Tumblr). No, from my memories of that night, I don't think I treated them as humans. I used them for information and, even though I knew they were trans, treated them like drag queens there for my meet-and-greet entertainment. This was obviously not my intention, but that's not how offending people works.

I'll be honest. When I first learned about transgender people, I was confused. I think I was still subscribed to the "God doesn't make mistakes" narrative at the time. I've since grown out of it and think of trans people more as God telling us all that gender isn't what we think it is, but that's a post for another day when I have more time in my lunch break.

Luckily, since my experience in Ireland, I've met more trans people. I still feel weird around them because I want to make sure I give them the respect they deserve and use their preferred pronoun and not stare at them and a slew of other problematic things I occasionally have to shun myself for thinking. But I'm trying to learn and do better everyday, trying to undo whatever mental conditioning growing up in a black conservative community did to me. I'm almost positive it's working.

In the meantime, I'm continually sorry to the Irish women I may have offended that night, even if they thought I was just a lovable bloke looking for the craic*. I'm sorry to any trans person I may have met and said the wrong thing to. I'm sorry if I stare or look away completely. I'm just learning and doing my best to not be totally awkward. I hope you'll bare with me during this time.

Word.


* craic - a term for news, gossip, fun, entertainment, and enjoyable conversation, particularly prominent in Ireland. It is often used with the definite article – the craic – as in the expression "What's the craic?" [Wikipedia]

PSA: More Than Just the Presidency

By this point, I suspect all of us have voted early or know who we're voting for President of the U.S. tomorrow. If not, my lanta, how are you still on the fence this close to the election? Sorry, I'm working on my "undecided-shaming;" God's working on all of us.

This 18+ month long election year has been physically and mentally draining on many of us as it pulled our focus to the presidential election. I'm here to remind you all to brush up on your local politics like you're about to cram for a final exam the night before by going over the candidates for other offices and the questions being voted on in your community. If you search online, you can easily find the sample ballot for your area. The more informed and ready you are for the election tomorrow, the faster you can get in and out to prevent long lines and restless citizens from going back to work before they actually vote.

You may be reading my little public service announcement and thinking, "Pish-posh, I'm a democratic; I'm just gonna vote down the line for my party." Well, friend (or associate), I hope you at least voted in your party's primary back in March/April. However, I'd still recommend against blind voting. If you do even a little last minute research, you might find the Green or Libertarian (or dare I say, even the Republican) candidate is more aligned with your beliefs. I'm just saying, it doesn't hurt to look; it does hurt the country if we allow the wrong people to make terrible decisions for our future.

On a similar note, please refrain from selecting every woman you see on the ballot in the name of feminism. Yes, we need more women in positions of power, but just as not all men are fit to lead, not all women can rise to the occasion. Responsible voting is key, especially this season.

If you don't have the opportunity to look up the questions on the ballot ahead of time, please still read them. Most ballots will give a synopsis of what each Bond Issue or Charter Amendment is looking to accomplish. Many of these questions have to do with funding, affordable housing, loans the city want to take out, and what businesses can and can't do in your city.

Though I am based in Baltimore, I want this to reach as many people as possible. I apologize for being non-detailed in this post. However, know I love and respect you all (but I respect you less if you vote for a man and his running mate that will take away my rights and the rights of others).

Remember to plan your election day experience accordingly. Polls are open from 7am to 8pm in Maryland. Some open or close an hour earlier or later in other states. Remember that there may be long lines. Stay as stress-free as possible. Buy your necessary vices tonight; find your small or large viewing party. Plan to call out Wednesday is you foresee Tuesday night going a certain way. Have a safe and happy Election Day. I'll see you all on the other side.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have a big exam tomorrow to study for.

Word.

He Lost 50 Pounds and This Isn't Clickbait!

It's like I'm a pokemon, or something.

As I write this, my least favorite phase of my favorite season has begun as Autumn welcomes Christmas far too early and the temperature drops. That said, I miss being fat.

It was warm; it was cozy; it was comfortable. Do you know how convenient it is to use your belly as a coaster? Now that I'm a #skinnybitch, most of my favorite clothes drape on my body as if I were splashed with too much of the fountain of youth. That said, I've never felt healthier/better.

That's not to say fat people aren't healthy. Many are, and they are beautiful, but I was not enlisted in their ranks. I constantly overate and with horrible food (read: the McDonald's down the block). I sat around all day, barely walking 1000 steps a day. I believe it is only dancing every other week at Ottobar's Twofer Tuesdays* that kept me from hitting 250. (My highest was a little over 235, if you were wondering.)

So how did I lose more or less 50lbs? Well, honestly it happened without me planning it. I found a new job thanks to a friend; this job isn't the most physically demanding job, but I am on my feet all day. According to some device I carry around in my pocket, I clock in between 12-24 thousand steps any given work day. Add in my walking commute to the light rail to and from work every weekday, and you can see why I suddenly wasn't able to fit my pants two months later.

Make no mistake, I recognize if I was a woman, the weight would not have just fallen off with every step I took. It's still a ridiculous concept to think of. Let the record show, I apologize for my male privilege, but excuse me while I revel in it this once.

Once I noticed I was losing weight, I decided to stop overeating. Well, I also need to save money because I was moving to a place with higher rent, so I suppose I stopped more so out of necessity. This meant, I cooked more, which I always preferred anyway. Since I am working a physical labor job, I still get away with carbo-loading, but at least I do it more throughout the day than in one sitting. I've learned that 4-5 smaller meals throughout the day are actually better for you. Well, maybe not better for you. I still get hunger pains towards dinner time, but long as I manage to find a light snack (read: cheap ass dollar store mini-burrito) I'm good.

It wasn't until I plateaued around 206 that I decided to start working out. I knew I would go to a gym regularly, so I decided to use my roommates weights: arm workout one weekend day, abs/chest the other. Eventually I revived an old idea and used Just Dance as a cardio day, making my workout schedule Fri-Sunday. During the first month, I realized I sucked at pushups. Luckily, a wonderful friend suggested a 30-day pushup challenge, and I enlisted my best friend so that we could keep each other on track. When I tell you my titties started perking up after two weeks... Let's just say my friend and I revised the endpoint from 40 pushups to 60, we we're feeling so good.

I've noticed that I'll randomly do pull-ups when I see an opportunity to. I always thought people were showing off when they did that, and sure, part of them are. But at least for me, it's more of a challenge, a "I could never do this before, but now I can and it's amazing; how many can I do!?" feeling. It's definitely weird to live out the jock fantasy I never knew I had.

I remember during my fat years, I told myself that if I ever lost weight I wouldn't make a big deal out of it. I'd ignore people's compliments and respond, "What are you talking about, I've always looked like this." Well, I was lying to myself. As my close circle of friends know, I've developed quite the ego since graduating college. Any small attention or praise I receive will immediately go to my head. If I were paler, I'd blush with every stroke of my ego. I have no shame.

People have obviously noticed, and they've commented positively, asking for my secrets. I hope this post suffices. Like I mentioned before, I didn't mind being bigger. I just knew I was unhealthy; that was the only thing I hated cause I could feel my body giving out on me. Now, my internal organs feel as good as I've always felt about my self body image.

For any of you looking to lose weight, I really don't have any advice for you. I know what worked for me, and I lowkey dread the day I find a better job cause I doubt I'll be moving around as much. But hey, if I gain any weight back, I know how to use it. Who says I wouldn't want to keep it, anyway?

Word.




*Not an advertisement, but their drink deals and DJ are still bumpin.

Mother Nature Doesn't Wanna Be Friends

Hot Take Thursdays. 1st Ed, 2nd Vol. 

I'm a fairly spiritual person. Still working on the religious part, but that what your 20s are for, right? Creationism vs a giant bang aside, there's one thing I feel to be true: Earth is alive and she's trying to kill us. 

How do I know Earth is sentient, you ask? Simple deduction, my good Watsons. I learned in third grade science that all growing organisms are alive. That means the trees, the grass, the carrots, the disgusting brussel sprouts, and the algae on the bottom of the ocean floor feels you among them. If everything that grows from Earth is alive, why wouldn't it be? Don't think of this planet as a giant rock but as a woman with her womb exposed and her mind deep at her center, protected from all that mean it harm. Mother Nature lives among us. 

[At this point in the broadcast I'd like to point out that vegetarians and vegans claiming to only consume "horror-free" foods are still munching on a branch of the conscious among us. Just because they don't bleed red doesn't mean they don't bleed at all! ...but that's a hot take for another Thursday.]

Mother Nature is fighting against our arrogant ways in subtle but obvious ways. Man has been population this land at an alarming rate, scalping Mother Nature to her roots to make way for suitable living and working environments. In retaliation, she sends her agents of moss to cover buildings and reclaim them in her name. Branches will stretch down and wrap their limbs around fences. Her most devoted grass and rose warriors will even push through the cracks of concrete to remind us where they once stood. They refuse to be completely obliterated like the indigenous people of so many countries.  

Landscapers beware; Mother Nature's strike division is on patrol. Cut all the grass and wack all the weeds sprouting in the playground as you will, but pollen comes for us all. The air will become poisonous, causing your nose to run and your lungs to wheeze. You'll be weakened. Jack Frost and Death will come to collect you, the little brothers of Mother herself. 

There's a webcomic that has a man apologizing for the harm we've done to the Earth as he hugs Mother Nature. She tells him not to worry; she will survive as she always has. But his kind, so arrogant in think she needs them, will parish long before she reaches her end. And she laughs and laughs and laughs. 

I don't won't Mother Nature to end me. I'd rather commune with her, tend to her. But she's already made up her mind. The pollen has taken hold. I can feel myself deteriorating from inside out. Why must she attack me personally? This is the cruelest breakup of all time. 

Word

Broken, Unsure Homosexuals & Toe Jam

Writing Wednesdays, 1st Ed, 2nd Vol

Hitting this week with another round of that rough draft poetry you know and love.   

Broken, Unsure Homosexuals

Here's to the broken, unsure homosexuals

Given the 1/10 stick of life

Unable to fathom the hatred from all sides

Running after girls because television taught you so

Shunned by the cool kids in your small town

Teased by your sister who's boyfriends you always drooled over

Called "nothing like me" by your father

Asked if you'd like to be exorcized by your mother

No longer the apple of the congregation's eyes 

Nervous around other homosexuals

Never knowing how to present yourself in their presence

Jealous of how sure of themselves they are

Pondering what circumstances allowed them such privileges 

Juggling friendship and romance, dropping the balks every time 

Told "I like you but not in that way" too often

Wondering if you'll ever find love and acceptance ever again

Here's to you

May we find each other and figure it out together

Toe Jam

You don't understand fear until your foot slides under a lawnmower

The grass so slippery from yesterday's rain that you death drop down a slope

Your right foot wanting to have a conversation with each of the blades under the hood

You feel stupid, weak for letting this happen

But your numb foot distracts from your broken pride

You see your sneaker slashed open

The image of blood seeping out of it filling your imagination 

This is how you die, refusing to treat your severed toes because you don't have insurance

You curse the Earth's rotation for aging you out of your parents' coverage as you talk off your sneaker to assess the damage

To the uncut grass' surprise, your sock hasn't turned red - not even pink

But there are three tears

Does adrenaline stop blood flow?

You venture further and expose your foot to the elements

Your toes survived and are still attached to your body

Congratulations!

Now wobble your skinned big toe inside and see if Patient First will treat you under the table, you idiot

Word

Arguing for Fun

Talk'o Tuesdays. 1st Ed, 2nd Vol. 

I never quite understood the need for arguing. For me, it's always been attached to anger and resentment. At its basis, there must arise a winner and a loser or worse: two losers as declared by a draw. My friends in relationships tell me arguing is healthy for any relationship, and I've definitely held my fair share of disputes with friends, but they all feel toxic to experience. 

So when I watch friends debate for the sake of debating and coming away nowhere near each other's throats, I am thoroughly confused. I'd even go as far as disappointed, upset that my television program didn't wrap up as expected. Some call it a meeting of the minds or sharing knowledge, but I call it foreign. 

I understand that in this world of sin, we're supposed to help each other in whatever way we can. Passing on information seems a great way to do so. Often, though, discussing which character portrayals in Midnight in Paris were true to their real life counterparts and then launching into an explanation of Hemingway's marriages and divorces can come off as bragging. Humans are very jealous creatures, and I've seen handfuls of friendly debates end in resentment, unbeknownst to the person held in contempt. 

Usually this person does not deserve the disdain they've attracted, but there is one culprit who does: the one sided arguer. No matter how hard you persist, they'll keep talking at you until you agree with them. They're conviction about Beyoncé being perfect in every way is too strong for them to listen to your counterpoint about Queen Bey's acting talents. It's pointless. You know this. Everyone around you knows this. But you're unable to escape Hurricane Yoncé until your opponent has run out of steam - or until someone else mentions feminism and Hillary Clinton. 

These two instances aside, it's always important to know when to fall back. So many parties have been ruined after two white guys couldn't stop debating over Radiohead's best album. Know when you've divulged enough information and when your brain has absorbed as much as it could. There are other debates to be had, my friend. 

On the other hand, it could be harmful not to engage in arguments. If you hear your friend saw they don't understand the importance of multicultural representation in media and all you do in response is "Mmm" while walking away to remove yourself from a stressful environment, you're not doing your part to enrich your community. At the very least, you're being a bad friend. That's right, you're the bad friend. Sometimes the headache is worth defending your friends from someone's misogynistic, off-hand comment. 

I admit, I am a frequent information withholder, but I'm trying to better myself. I'll never be on the level of "Tell me more about your findings in Morocco," but I hope to at least become an "I don't agree with you" person. Because open communication makes the world go round, or something like that. 

Word. 

Saturday Bloodsuckers, Alter Ego Freedom, and Claiming Your Profession

Week 2 of Music Mondays and I'm already about to stray from my own guidelines. This past weekend was too full of great new releases to leave you ignorant of them.

Thursday night, everyone's favorite pale, British beanstalk that's worked with Beyonce became inspired by her marketing tactics. James Blake's The Colour in Anything is the perfect album to have you in your feelings as your attempt interpretative dancing to all 17 tracks. The very next day, the hottest new producer from Montreal, Kaytranada, dropped 99.9% laced with great features from artists you'll want to learn more about. Last, but certainly not least, Radiohead graced their ever evolving fanbase with A Moon Shaped Pool. I'll be honest, I haven't listened to it yet, but it's gonna be a fantastic listen if it's anything like its debut single "Daydreaming."

And now, back to your regularly scheduled throwbacks. 

Self Titled, Vampire Weekend

From the moment I saw the video for A-Punk on MTVu my freshman year, I knew Vampire Weekend would be noteworthy. Released in 2008, their self titled debut proved to secure their indie-level superstardom. With Ezra Koenig's melancholy lyrics and Rostam Batmanglij's African drum inspired production, the Chrises helped them launch a new sound for a new generation of music lovers yearning for something to call their own. Vampire Weekend gives me hope that the most WASP-y looking folk can be socially aware, too. Still, I must remind Ezra: I give a fuck about an Oxford comma. 

Breakout Tracks

Cape Cod Kwassa Kwassa

One (Blake's Got a New Face)

Once Again, John Legend

Picked early in his career by Kanye to be one of his go-to guys, John Stephens was destined to become a Legend. After the success of his first album, John Legend eased back into his lounge singer lane and submitted Once Again as his sophomore effort. The 2006 album features some of his best pianistic skills as he sings about love enjoyed and love lost, seemingly about the same woman. He became more of a storyteller on this album, something R&B and Soul could stand to return to.

Breakout Tracks

Heaven

Maxine

The Emancipation of Mimi, Mariah Carey

Mentored by the divas that preceded her, Mariah Carey has always ignored that her  roses really smelled like poo. These days, her poo has turned a hard white, but before the fall of Mimi came her emancipation. What could be considered her last hit album, MC freed herself of her evil alter ego in 2005, long before Beyonce announced Sasha Fierce to the world. The Emancipation of Mimi is riddled with party tracks and ballads that will make you appreciative of Mariah Carey's range, including her whistle tone. By the end of the album, you too will be asking "Ariana who?" and claiming to still be young. 

Breakout Tracks

 Say Something (feat Pharrell & Snoop Dogg)

Fly Like a Bird

I Am Just A Rapper 1 & 2, Childish Gambino
Before he became a fully formed rapper and was still concerned a joke, Childish Gambino continued to live his own truth and make the music he wanted to hear. After dropping two full length mixtape that sounded like Lil Wayne on helium, Gambino produced two seven track collections of him rapping over the most popular and up-and-coming indie/alternative songs of 2010 and the years prior. Besides being one of the first rappers to do such a thing, the mixtapes stand out because of his clever metaphors. Though he harps too much on being perceived as "not black enough," it's a valid frustration that propelled him into become the great lyricist he is today. 

Breakout Tracks

Bitch, Look at Me Now (Two Weeks)

The Real (Infinity Guitars)

That should hold you over for this week. Until our next journey through music together, my friends (and associates). 

Word

Hot Take Thursdays: Make Republicans Great Again

Two days ago, Ted Cruz announced he was pulling out of the Republican primary race for President. Yesterday, John Kasich followed suit, leaving Donald Trump as the party's last man standing. America is one giant step towards a nightmare becoming a reality. I hereby motion we nickname him Freddy Krueger for the remainder of his relevancy.

Part of me is upset Cruz and Kasich jumped out of Sauron's line of vision instead of being the human shields they were propped up to be; the other half of me is fine no longer living in suspense of a Trump nomination.  All of me is still in rage that America has allowed Trump to stay around as long as The Simpsons. But before he became the only elephant in the race, a thought crossed my mind - a conspiracy, if you will: the Republican party is trying to tank itself.

It's no secret the Republican party has been struggling throughout the 21st century as far as the presidency is concerned. First there was the wacky duo of G. W. Bush and Dick Cheney, so easy to poke fun at and criticize I was actually sad when their second term was over. John McCain nearly saved racists and bigots from America's first black president, but pairing a Golden Corral Platinum Member with the lunatic lady governor of Alaska was the equivalent of Cheney shooting them in the face. Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan were the sanest candidates the Grand Ol' Party produced in the last decade, but they too had flaws America just couldn't forgive.

For the past year, American citizens registered as Republicans have had to endure the kangaroo court that was the 12-part miniseries called the Republican Primaries. Individually, I believe they all realized they wouldn't be able to vote for any of the candidates come November 8. The decision then became which candidate would be the most entertaining while most certainly turning the GOP on its head and possibly setting it ablaze. The obvious answer was Donald J Trump. He has the most impressive resume as far as television credits and being a self-starter. He's a man Republican voters from 18 to 98 can build up and let tumble into oblivion without causing any psychological harm. They aren't monsters like him, after all.

Of course, the GOP tried their hardest to dissuade the public, but the decision had already been made. They held their private meetings under white cloaks and came to an agreement. Those that held out hope still voted for Ted Cruz, but their numbers dwindled with each primary state election.

Now the Republican party must wait to see if their plan to sandbag themselves will work, or if they've brainwashed themselves into believing Trump could actually be good for this country on the platform he's been championing.

Meanwhile, George Bush Sr cackles the way Dana Carvey taught him as he shakes Bill Clinton's hand and says to him, "Sorry for the eight year delay, but 32 years of straight Bushes and Clintons would have been too suspicious. Tell your wife, 'Happy Birthday' for me when the time comes." Bill doesn't say a word or smile in response. Instead, his security guard hands him the sax he played on the Arsenio Hall Show, and he riffs for the next 12 minutes while Bush Sr claps along. If you listen close enough, you can make out the morse code: J.E.B. doesn't have next.

Best wishes to all you republicans. May your not-so-secret plan to revamp your party work. Playing the game with no worthy opponent is far too boring.

Sincerely, an overconfident, over-hopeful Democrat and American citizen.


Word.

Writing Wednesdays: Charles & Jr, 3rd Grade Archeologists

A blacktop playground might not seem like the most suitable option for a period of recess, but when you need it to double as the faculty parking lot, you make due with what you have. Children don't need a jungle gym when they have footballs, chalk, and their imagination. The possibilities are endless the less you're given as a child.

Charles and Jr were perfect examples of the success of such a system. Along the fence keeping the children from wandering away to the ice cream shop down the street were tiny cracks in the blacktop. If you possessed enough conviction - and strong enough rocks - you could expose the dirt underneath the asphalt, and Charles and Jr did just that. 

Having met in Kindergarten, the pair had been inseparable for four years. They inspired each other to be creative and grasp for knowledge, making them two of the smartest children in their class. On this day, the boys used their recess to see if they could break through the next layer of earth. 

"We need to find a sharper rock to get through the other side. Ugh, why didn't I bring my collection to school today?!" Charles said as he threw his pale, smooth stone to the side. 

Jr passed Charles the chipped piece of asphalt he was using. "Here you go. You have tougher hands than I do." Jr reached into his pockets and pulled out a squarish, brown rock. 

"Yeah. Yeah, this should work. Thanks," he paused to make sure no teachers were around and whispered, "bitch."

Jr giggled, happy his friend was using the naughty words he taught him after learning them from his older sister. Jr stared at him for a beat and then continued to clear around the sides of the nearly foot deep hole as Charles went back to work on cracking the base.  

Behind them, all the children of the odd numbered grades played. It wasn't that the duo was antisocial. Surprisingly they were very popular, especially after Charles stuttered through the morning announcement, Jr naturally by his side. The two just weren't athletic. During gym, instead of getting pelted with giant red balls, they would hide by the radiator on their side of the cafegymatorium and pretend they were in WWII trying to survive the bombings. The imagination these two had knew no bounds. 

A green ball crashed into their worksite, startling the young excavators. "Sorry," Rashida called out to them. 

"Throw us the ball," Sean teased them. Not having learned how to back down from a challenge yet, Charles picked up the ball and attempted to shotput it. The ball flew three feet and rolled to Rashida. 

"That was better than yesterday. Not bad." Rashida flashed a smile and ran to join Sean and the others in their bastardized version of four square. 

Jr looked on as Charles blushed over Rashida, the girl that had his first name as her last. Jr knew he was imagining his name as Charles Charles again and didn't like it. The Porteguese sidekick stood up and shook the dirt off his pants like his daydream. 

"Where are you going? We haven't gotten through to the Mesozoic era yet. I know there's a stegosaurus under this last plate!" Charles called after his friend. 

"I'm done. And you know it's not a stegosaurus. It's gonna be a triceratops. Plus, I think the bell is gonna ring soon."

Like a sound cue, the teacher on duty rung the handbell signaling recess was over. 

"I hate your sense of timing." 

Jr shook his long brown hair out of his face and messed with his friend's tight curls, running away after.  Charles gave chase for five meters before his asthma kicked in and waited for his best friend to help him. The boys walked into together, equal in every way save the limits of their imagination. 

Word

Talk'o Tuesdays: #71 Become more attentive of local politics

Good news, my dear friends (and associates). It's taken me five months, but I've finally crossed off an abstract objective from my list of 102 Tasks in 1002 Days. And it's politics related! Look at me actually attempting to be an adult and involved in the world I live in. Don't get crazy, it's not like I volunteered to help anyone campaign. We're all about baby steps here at Wacko, Incorporated. 

Last Tuesday, Maryland held all of its primary elections, including the city level. There was a week of early voting, but I hadn't done sufficient enough a job of researching the candidates for positions such as judge and city council to feel comfortable filling in those little bubbles. So many candidates, so little time. 

When it came to vote, I ended up leaving the judge and senate sections blank. Saying I was tempted to fill in a woman candidate anytime I didn't know anyone would be an understatement, but I realized that would have been like blindly voting for Hillary just because you want to see more diversity in politics. 

Primary Day, there was no shortage of Parks and Rec level antics.  The day before I heard Catherine Pugh offered people (mostly black, this is Baltimore) fried chicken while she campaigned. (I still haven't forgiven myself for missing the opportunity to title a post "Chicken for Votes.") The day of, volunteers littered the block in front of the firehouse trying to convince me to vote for their candidate. Let me say, if you can be swayed to vote for someone seconds before you walk into the polling place, what are you even doing their, fam? The best kicker came an hour after I voted. Apparently Pugh's promise of jobs for her supporters fell through on Primary Day, and the upset citizens caused property damage outside of her headquarters. I love when truth becomes stranger than fiction. 

Being a frequent Twitter user and avid follower of the Black Liver Matter movement, I wanted to give DeRay a chance. However, he entered the race too late, he didn't have enough traction among the older generations of Baltimore, and he's still a little green behind the ears as far as politics go. I look forward to what he has to offer in the future, though.

I knew the two frontrunners were Catherine Pugh and Sheila Dixon, but I hoped that despite the overwhelming amount of democratic candidates Baltimore would be able to see one as the most viable option. I considered Elizabeth Embry as that option. During the debates, she seemed smart, dedicated, and knowledgable about what Baltimore needs - having been part of the system herself. And sure, she's a white lady trying to lead a majority black city, but I don't think race is important if you're dedicated to the job. Apparently, most of my friends thought the same. Who knew? Embry: the hope of young Baltimore. 

On the City Council level, I voted for Ryan Dorsey in my district. A friend of mine had been informing me of all his policies, and after looking at his main competition Jermaine Jones, I decided Dorsey the better option. 

Unfortunately, Tuesday night was not as joyous and optimistic as the day had been. After finding out Hillary and Trump had both taken Maryland and its delegates, I learned Catherine Pugh won the democratic nomination with 37% of the vote. It helped ease the pain when I learned Emory came in third with 12% and Dorsey won his primary bid. 

You may be wondering why I haven't discussed any Republican candidates yet. That's because they're nearly nonexistent in Maryland, a largely Democratic state. Baltimore is even more democratic, some City Council district races not even having a republican nominee - like my district. This means that any Democratic that won last Tuesday will most likely win the main election come November. 

According to WBAL's website and my own additional resources, only about a fifth of Baltimore residents showed up to vote for the mayoral primary election. It begs the question what the result would have been if we could have gotten even three-fifths of Baltimore to vote. Probably a more overwhelming turning out for Pugh. She's been in the game a long time. 

Speaking of Pugh, in my further research since Primary Day, I discovered she had her tires slashed the same day she won. I think I can learn to look forward to her mayorship. If her reign will be anything like her campaign, in the words of Joanne Prada, "[She'll be] a messy bitch who lives for drama!" I just hope Baltimore can survive the shitshow. 

With the primaries over - and most of the positions spoken for - many people will stop keeping up with local politics. I myself could use a break. However, I plan to keep an eye on as many of these politicians as possible. I want to be able to applaud their triumphs and shame their missteps. Besides, some of these people will run again in four years. I need to know how they handle failure and reshape their community as regular citizens. 

Until the next race, candidates. 

Word. 

WBAL Primary Coverage - http://www.wbaltv.com/politics/bookmark-this-2016-baltimore-primary-election-results/39172104

Joanne Prada's Twitter - http://www.twitter.com/joanneprada/

Catherine Pugh's Website - http://www.pughformayor.com/

Elizabeth Embry's Website - http://www.embryforbaltimore.org/

DeRay Mckesson's Website - https://www.derayformayor.com/

Ryan Dorsey's Website - http://www.electryandorsey.com/