How to: Politely Tell Someone to Shut Up

We have moments when we just don't feel like talking,
nor do we feel like being talked to.
Yet, there's always someone there to talk your ear off.
Perhaps the other party is just really annoying
and you don't have the patience for it today.

Now of course,
the instant urge is to yell,
"Shut the fuck up and get away from me."
However, this is not polite
and even though others may feel the same about the other person
(you all talk about them behind their back),
they'll still give you a funny look
and leave you hanging when the other party becomes defensive.

So how do we go about this the "PC" way?
[For the record, fuck the PC way...
...but that's not very PC, is it?]

If you can tell the person is about to talk your ear off,
find a way to stop them.
One could be to walk away from your current position.
But some people are eager to share news and will follow you.

Next, try explain that you aren't in the mood to talk.
Say you have a headache
or your thinking about some things
or your not fully awake yet.

...however, some will still prove persistent.
They'll offer a quick line of advice or concern.
Even if you reject it with a "No, I'm alright",
they'll say "Ok... so..." and go on talking about what they want.

Walking away mid-sentence is rude,
and they'll only come back later to bother you.

So... smack 'em.
...wait, that's not polite.

Hmm...
You can try the Kanye approach.
"Hey, yeah. I'm really happy for you, and I'm not gonna let you finish, cause I have the most valuable time of all time. OF ALL TIME!"
Nope, somehow that still seems rude.

OK, I got it.
You grab somebody nearby and say,
"Hey, I gotta go, but Jane here would love to hear all about it."
Naw, that just passes it on, doesn't solve it.
Not to mention that move is grimy.

Let me stop joking around.
You wait til you notice they're about to pause for air,
and then you say, "Listen, I'm really not in the mood to talk.
I'll let you know when I'm in the mood."
And you shue them off.

Now, if you just plain don't like the person or they're annoying you,
you have to be a bit more direct.
"Hey, yeah. I'm sorry. I just don't really care about this conversation.
You're kinda just wasting your breath right now.
If you like hearing yourself talk,
I hear talking to yourself is great for that."
OK, not with that last sentence,
but you should say something along those lines.

I hope this has been a helpful tutorial for you.
If it has, let me know and I'll do more.
Word.