You Be Wylin on Twitter

Today was the first day of classes for the Spring Semester.
Yes, it's my last semester of college ever,
but we'll talk about that later.

So, I see a few of my friends
and we have the usual "how was your break?" exchange.
Then one of them says something to the effect of "Enjoyed your tweets this weekend."
I had to stop and think for a minute.
None of them used Twitter.
Then I remember we have mutual friends that do.
I kinda just forgot about them because they don't pop up on my timeline often.

But yes... my tweets this weekend were quite... entertaining.
And oddly enough, since they're on the internet forever anyway,
I'd like to share them with you all in case you missed it.
Also this is just a way to keep track of them forever. haha.
Fair warning, some of them are quite crude and vulgar.
But hey, doesn't that make for the best comedy?
So, without further adieu...

"Ever heard a voice so beautiful that you know she doesn't give oral?
Sat Jan 15 2011 21:27:57 (Eastern Standard Time) via web"
I said this in response to hearing an outstanding local singer.
I mean, I would think she would refrain from that to keep her voice in tact.

"Do I have a playlist called "Snap for the Kids"? Why, yes. Yes I do.Sat Jan 15 2011 21:40:59 (Eastern Standard Time) via web"Yes, as inspired by the Beyonce song. I was blasting it all weekend. Also, I was feeling especially flamboyant all weekend, as later tweets will show.

"[channel surfs to Miss America Pageant] [barfs] [moves on]Sat Jan 15 2011 21:58:06 (Eastern Standard Time) via web"
I just wasn't feeling it this year. haha.

"Je refuse de jouer en vous rennes jeux.Sat Jan 15 2011 22:13:20 (Eastern Standard Time) via webJe tweet en français maintenant, oui.Sat Jan 15 2011 22:15:04 (Eastern Standard Time) via webJe sais que le français. Je suis trop paresseux pour se souvenir de chaque traduction. #étudiantterribleSat Jan 15 2011 22:19:27 (Eastern Standard Time) via web"
I went on a short french kick for some reason... but with Google Translate. Don't worry, I got called out. haha

"I want to do inappropriate things to you. #pickuplinesSun Jan 16 2011 15:50:40 (Eastern Standard Time) via web"
I mean, I would use it.

"So much vitamin c, even my poop is fruity.#vulgarlines ->WordSun Jan 16 2011 18:58:52 (Eastern Standard Time) via txt"
This is also a line that a gay rapper might use.

"Oooo wee! Gurl, you smell like cocoa butter. #blackpickuplinesSun Jan 16 2011 19:40:52 (Eastern Standard Time) via web"
I mean... I wouldn't be surprised if a guy actually used that.

"Being gay is weird, frustrating and funny all at the same time. ->WordSun Jan 16 2011 19:55:49 (Eastern Standard Time) via txt"
#honesttweet haha

"This is one of those I wanna order a prostitute nights. #lonelytweet->WordSun Jan 16 2011 20:21:54 (Eastern Standard Time) via txt"
This is the beginning of the worst of them.

"Retweet if You're watchin the Globes and playin the I'd Fuck Them game when the camera switches to the audience. ->WordSun Jan 16 2011 20:59:30 (Eastern Standard Time) via txt"
Hey, there were a lot of good looking people at the Golden Globes this year.

"Do you think a guy would get made if I told him he had a gay smile? ->WordSun Jan 16 2011 21:12:24 (Eastern Standard Time) via txt"
That was a serious question, too.

"What would you do if someone randomly came up and said "I want to blow you so hard right now"? ->WordSun Jan 16 2011 21:18:22 (Eastern Standard Time) via txt"
Yet another serious question.

"Fuck my period. It makes me so horny and I can't help it. Sorry to fill up your timeline with it. ->WordSun Jan 16 2011 21:19:54 (Eastern Standard Time) via txt"
To see how I can have my "period," click here.

"You know I'm on my period when i think about smashing a white girl. Smh ->Word
Sun Jan 16 2011 21:36:29 (Eastern Standard Time) via txt"To understand why that's funny, click here.

"No one cause no one is actually fucking. RT @"afriendofmines" But who's winning? ---> RT @CGWacko Still playing the I'd Fuck Them with the Globes.

Sun Jan 16 2011 21:58:41 (Eastern Standard Time) via txt"

I mean, it's true.

This next tweet was so vulgar I didn't post it until someone asked me to.
"Boy, why don't you repeatedly shove your penis in and out of my mouth. Vanilla ice cream is my favorite. ->Word
Sun Jan 16 2011 22:22:34 (Eastern Standard Time) via txt"You can understand why. haha. I'm never gonna get a GOOD job now. haha. Time to be a stand up comic?

"Damn I wish you were openly gay. #honesttweet ->Word
Sun Jan 16 2011 22:24:13 (Eastern Standard Time) via txt"This is the story of my life.

Yup... and those are the tweets that made everyone's weekend.
So if you'd like hilarity like that on a fairly regular basis,
you know how to find me.
I mean, there's a link to my Twitter on this page your own now.
But, I think I'll tone it down a little.
...we'll see.
Word.