January 28, 2010

Outside My Age Group

I find it incrediblely hard
to connect, yet alone talk,
to anyone ten years older than me.
It's always been a struggle for me.

I mean,
it all started when my parents told me
to respect my elders.
This didn't just include like grandparents and such,
but pretty much anyone older than me.
Since then, I have found it hard to open up to "my elders."
This is partly because I was told
"If I don't nothing nice to say, then don't say nothing."
And I really have anything to say
that I would be comfortable discussing with someone older.

I mean,
I feel like I'm always being judged when I do.
I, of course, call them Mr or Ms [insert last name].
It's just my nature.
I'm respective.
[secretly, I'm not.]
See, that's exactly what I mean.
When I talk freely, I get reckless.
And I don't need them to see me in that light.
Most older folk see me as good kid,
and I'd hate to ruin that.

But,
I am attempting to open up a lil bit.
I'm slowly talkin to my mom more about some things.
And a couple teachers and admin can get me to open up.
However, I still have that guard up.
I guess I just have to wait til I get older.

Oh, and as far as
talking to those younger than me...
yeah, I just dumb it down for them.
I don't care what they see me as,
as long as they have respect for me.
Ya feel me?
Haha.
Word.

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