In 2010, I'mma...

Well, my dear friends [and associates]
the end of the 00s is upon us.
After today, we can't say Oh-# to refer to the present year.
[I mean, you could say Oh-10,
but you'd just sound like a douche, right?]

We've sure been through a crazy decade, haven't we?
I mean, there's no way I can go through it all,
but to go through some that pop to mind:
9/11,we're at war!,we're still at war!,
we're in a recession,
MJ is gone,
Kanye,
50 Cent,
Beyonce,
Brittany,
Lady Gaga,
Chris Brown & Rihanna,
Lord of the Rings,
Harry Potter & Twilight,
Facebook & Twitter,
Hurricane Katrina,
fun times with Bush,
Obama!,
more songs telling us how to dance,
Virginia Tech,
Diddy runs everything,
Jay-Z retired and came back,
Chappelle Show,
The Boondocks,
and many other events and people.
Though I claim the 90s to the death of me,
the 00s is the first decade I can truly say I experienced all the way.

With this decade coming to a close,
everyone is saying that things will be different in the next decade:
Health care will get better.
We'll come out of the war.
We'll find better energy sources.
The recession won't turn into a depression.
Gay marriage will become more accepted.
Black people will become less ignorant. [my own]
On a smaller scale,people have their own personal goals:
I'mma lose this weight.I'mma find me a job.
I'm not gonna let people get in my way.
No more phony people in my life.
I'mma go back to school.
I'mma stop drinking.
I'mma stop cursing.
I'mma go to church.
I'mma find me a man/woman.

Well, whatever you say you gonna do,
whatever your big resolution may be,
follow through on it.
Don't let this be like every other year,
where you just said it to give yourself a goal and feel good about yourself.
Actually accomplish it.
That way you can truly be proud of yourself.
Make the 10s a decade of prosperity.
Word.

Uncle Gregory

It's been a long time since someone called me that.

As a few of you know,
I'm down in Fayetteville, NC
visiting my sister and her 3 kids:
2 boys (11 and 7), and a girl (4).
I haven't seen them since like...
Thanksgiving my freshman year.

So of course when me and my sister went to go get them from afternoon care last week
they all ran to me shouting "Uncle Gregory!"
[My mother's side of the family calls me by my middle name.
Most of us go by some sort of family nickname.]
I gotta admit,it felt good to be so missed.
I mean...
I am the fun/young uncle after all.
I'm the one they run to
when they get in trouble with their mother or grandma. Haha

I forgot what it was like to be an uncle.
The kids have been waking me up everyday.
Luckily, it's been at like 11 or noon.
I guess they know I stay up late.
Actually, I've gotten used to it
and I look forward to it now.
The lil girl is like a cute live action alarm clock.
Her ringtone: "Gregory, time for breakfast!"
:-) Haha.

After breakfast,
the youngest 2 ask for piggyback rides.
I be like "Wahn! I don't wanna."
And they be like, "Come on, Gregory."
So I give in and let them fight over who's first.
I also spin them around and make them fly;
I keep hold of their hands as they feet leave the carpet.
They really seem to like that,
but damn if it don't make me dizzy. Haha.

The oldest one...
He been gettin on my nerves.
We used to be cool when he was younger and when he was still up north,
but ever since he been down here,
he got that southern accent and he always got something to say.
It's probably just me.
We still aight though.

The younger 2 though,
they be crackin me up.
The 7 year old is just animated.
He's been following me around lately too.
He reminds me of myself a lil.
But he just got anger issues,
everytime he lose at a game
he get extra tight.
He gotta chill with that. Haha
And the lil girl,
she just hilarious.
A lot smarter than I thought she was too.
She be usin context clues to figure out words.
And she dress herself and be lookin fly.
Her mother taught her well.

We've been to the movies twice since
I've been here.
We saw Avatar.
Then we saw Alvin & the Chipmunks 2.
The second time, lil girl was lookin
at the Chipmunk display with 3 big statues of the Chipmunks.
It has this sign that says "Don't touch."
Then she looked at the big Percy Jackson display.
She walked over and got me.
She pulled me to the Percy display and said,
"Look, Gregory. No sign."
and went on and touched it.
Well, I just fell out. Haha

I gotta say it's been nice to see them all.
But I'm def ready to go back on my own.
Everytime I get on my laptop,
they wanna use it,
or look over my shoulder to see what I'm doin.
They can all read now,
which I often forget. Haha
So before they come back over and see I'm talkin about them,
I'mma go head and end this one.

Later my good friends [and associates].
Word.

Kwanzaa: It's... Real?

Created in 1966 by Ron Karenga,
Kwanzaa was meant to empower African Americans
during a time of great struggle in their lives.
It was an oppostition to Christmas and the white man's Christianity
but has since become an addition to black Christians.

Looking back at the time,
it is understandable why Kwanzaa would have been popular.
It was yet another way for blacks to come together
and celebrate themselves in the face of their oppressors.

But now, in the 21st century,such a need is no longer needed.

Blacks have been able to live peacefuly among the whites.

Their struggles are not as promient as they were in the 60s, 70s, even 80s & 90s.

Nowadays, Kwanzaa just seems like a joke.
The 7 principles of Kwanzaa are not ludicrous-
Umoja (Unity): To strive for and to maintain unity in the family, community, nation, and race.
Kujichagulia (Self-Determination): To define ourselves, name ourselves, create for ourselves, and speak for ourselves.
Ujima (Collective Work and Responsibility): To build and maintain our community together and make our brothers' and sisters' problems our problems, and to solve them together.
Ujamaa (Cooperative Economics): To build and maintain our own stores, shops, and other businesses and to profit from them together.
Nia (Purpose): To make our collective vocation the building and developing of our community in order to restore our people to their traditional greatness.
Kuumba (Creativity): To do always as much as we can, in the way we can, in order to leave our community more beautiful and beneficial than we inherited it.
Imani (Faith): To believe with all our heart in our people, our parents, our teachers, our leaders, and the righteousness and victory of our struggle.
[taken from Wikipedia.org]

These principles are very empowering,
and if the 00s are different in anyway from the 70s,
it's that most blacks don't care about empowering anyone but themselves.
We only come together in times of oppression and family cookouts...
or for a crime scene that's down the block.
It would take another necessary Civil Rights movement
to get niggas to activitely celebrate Kwanzaa.

My family has never celebrated Kwanzaa.
Shit, for a while I thought it was a Muslim holiday.
We had Christmas,
Jews had Chanukah,
so why shouldn't Kwanzaa be the Muslims'?
I always figured it was the 3 main religions having their biggest celebrations all at the same time.
I mean... I was a kid.

Recently I've been tempted to celebrate Kwanzaa,
but it just doesn't feel right.
Plus, I'd have to explain it to all my white friends when I got back to school, hopefully this blog'll be enough. Haha.
Besides, it's admittedly on the decline,
possibly becoming obsolete as the world becomes a better place.

With that in mind,
I've created a song for Kwanzaa...
called the 7 days of Kwanzaa [like the 12 days of Christmas].
Um... for my black brothers and sisters,
you may get mad at me for this one,
but just know it's all just comedy, as usual.Enjoy.

[The last go around]
On the 7th day of Kwanzaa,
my black lover gave to me
7 food stamps
6 packs of menthols
5 fried chicken wings
4 spinning rims
3 40oz
2 packs of kool-aid
and a half eaten watermelon

It's fun to be both concious and ignit.
I feel like hip-hop and rap in one.
Haha.
Word.

Grades

All my life,
I've been told to get good grades.
When I was younger,
if I had a C on my report card,
I was in trouble.
This and the need to get in a good college
motivated me to do well in school.

I was one of the smartest kids in elementary school.
I was valedictorian of my 8th grade class.
And I graduated with a 3.4 or 3.5 average from high school.

I always felt on top of the educational world.
I stood out cause I was smart.
But with each new school,
it got harder to stand out.
By the time I got to high school,
it wasn't like I was one of the only smart kids.
They were a whole mess of us.

Now I've finally made it to college.
I don't even know every one in my class.
I never will.I don't even know my friends gpas.
We never talk about that stuff,
maybe cause we're always back from when they come out.
In high school, we def ranked according to gpas a lil.
At the very least, it shaped the dynamics of things.
Smart kids actually had respect in my school.

Anyway
,without much talk about grades now,
not even from my parents really,
they hold less significance in my life.
There's no reason for me to really worry.
I never really entertained the thought of grad school.
I kind of do nowadays, but not really.
Grades now are only a gauge of if I'm failing or passing.
Sad. but really how sad?
Not much.
Grades aren't that important.
It's not like I'm gettin D's,
naw, I still got a scholarship to hold on to.
But I no longer freak out over a C or not gettin above 3.0.
2.7 and higher is fine.

Of course, I'm tryna do a little better,
cause I'm not sure if jobs look at your grades.
I doubt it.
But if they do,
I'll make sure to have other things to keep their mind off it.
Because experience beats a piece of paper 4 outta 5.
Word.

[...then again a combo of both is a killer. Hmm.]

Top 10 Reasons, EP5

With Christmas a surprising 4! days! away!
I've decided to make this weeks posts slighly Christmas themed.
So today's, we have top 10 reasons to fake liking a gift.
In truth, the top 10 will be kinds of gift.
In any case, enjoy.

10) A Gift Card
[You woulda been better off giving me cold cash. What I need a $50 gift card to American Eagle for? I'm a strictly Abercrombie moose kid!]

9) Something Expensive
[Coulda swore we set a $20 limit... Um.. thanks for the winter fur coat though. Enjoy your toaster.]

8) Gift in Your Name
[Hey. I wanted a gift I could hold. Not a damn star or a donation to a child in Africa. If I wanted to do that, I would have done that myself.]

7) Music/DVD
[Unless you talk the person on the regular, chances are they got you music or a movie you don't like... or already have. Regift?]

6) A Book
[Chances are you're a typical American who doesn't read unless they have to. But your black radical uncle (me in the future) wants you to feel empowered and wants you to recieve the best gift of all... an education. "Nigga, I wanted an Xbox, not X the book."]

5) Homemade gifts from a kid
[While it's cute and all, unless you're their parent, chances are you'll just put it in a pile somewhere. Have fun diggin it out when the kid visits you asks where your gift is.]

4) Soaps/Fragencies
[Guys, while you know your lady likes to smell good, chances are you'll get them the wrong kind or you'll offend them. "You tryna say I smell bad?!" Guess who's on the couch?]

3) Clothes
[Either they don't fit or it's not your style. Why can't people allow people to dress themselves?]

2) Homemade gifts from a grown up
[Dawg... you got a job. We said we were gonna exchange gifts. So why I get you DVDs of your fav show and you give me a paper crane you learned how to make from the how-to origami book I gave you last year?!]

1) IOUs or no gift at all
[You know what? I ain't even gonna be tight. I'm just gonna smile in yo face. And pull the same to you next year. "What comes around goes back around. I thought I told ya. Yeah." Thanks JT. Haha]

Haahaha. I crack myself up.
Hope you haven't bought this for anyone.
If you have... you still have 3 days left to chance that.
Haha
Word.

Failure to Launch

Welcome to a special Saturday edition of the Wacko Monologues.
This is the first post live from the new Facebook page
and also the first post I've written since finals started.

Well...this one is a personal story and a vent.

Okay, so I had a train at 9am today.
I had arranged with my friend that he would take me to the station.
I knew it was gonna snow,
but Baltimore usually freak out over a lil bit.
So I figured everything would be fine this morning.

I wake up this morning,
and the snow is comin down like I'm in Jersey.
I get dressed quickand check to see if my train is still on.
It is.
However, my ride informs me his pops his comin to pick him up.
He said he'd ask his pops if he would take me,
but pops didn't want to go into the city.
OKay, fair enough.

I call a cab a 7:30.
By 8:30 it hadn't got here.
Obviously I wasn't makin the train.
So I called momdukes up.
She was mad of course,
we made new reservations.
I'm leavin on Wednesday now.
One of very few still on campus.
Why a train so late in the week, you ask?
Mom wanted to make sure I could get to the station,
and since I didn't "call the cab company early enough"
she wanted to make sure it was clear enough for me to get there.

I got a call at 10:44am.
It was the cab company callin SEEING if I still needed a cab.
>.>
...Damn. Even if I had called them at... 6,
they woulda got here when the train was pullin off.
Baltimore, ya'll gotta learn how to operate in the snow.

But yeah...
now I'm stuck on campus
,and I have to pay momz back for the new ticket. :-/
I wasn't plannin on buy a train ticket for Christmas.
Luckily, a few peeps are still around.
So I'll hang with them today,
but I'm sure most will be gone by Monday
.Sigh. C'est la vie.

I swear,
if I added some fictional elements to this,
it could make a nice short story.
Maybe one day.
Word.

The Blogger Revolution

Quite a few of my friends have started blogs recently.
It interesting to see what they have to say.
But it has me thinking...
this is the age of the bloggers.
I mean, it makes sense.
The computer and internet
has made everything,
and I mean everything,
readily available.
And our generation,
the now generation as my good friend calls us,
has adapted best to this availability.

With the rise of blogs on sites like
blogger, tumblr, wordpress, and even some independent sites,
everyone seems to have something to say.
Some are deal with fashion and it's latest trends,
keeping us all hot in the streets.
Some keep their ears to the speakers,
letting us know what's poppin in the music scene.
Some follow celebrities,
keeping us posted on their latest doings.
While others simple talk about their lives
or their opinion on different issues.

But this rise slightly worries me.
It makes me wonder if this is all just the latest fad,
having a website that you can kind of call your own,
where you say what you wanna say,
so off that you can actually say something of relevance.
That any kid with too much time on their hands starts a blog out od boredom.
I hope that this is not the case.
Now, I'm not coming at anyone in particular.
If anything, I coming at myself.
Cause I sure enough started the Wacko Monologues
because I had nothing else going on in my life.
Yet, even as I become busier,
I still blog on the regular.
It's only when I become less active
that I write less.

So,
may the blogger revloution march on.
May we bloggers grow in number.
And may we all prosper and spread our views in harmony.
Word.

P.S.
Check out a few of my fellow bloggers over there ->
They don't all post as frequently as I do,
but they have some good stuff to say.

Top 10 Reasons, EP4

I've been thinking of a few things for this week's edition,
but they either felt forced or it just wasn't the right time for them.
But I think I've finally landed on one.
This week's edition: To Stay in Bed
Because waking up is overrated.

10) Slept the wrong way.
[I'll just lay here until my leg decided to wake up too.]

9) You don't do mornings.
[You might as well be a vampire, cause the sun is not your friend.]

8) Sleep medication too effective.
[Maybe taking four Ambien was too much.]

7) Damn homework.
[You stayed up allnight, you deserve a few extra winks.]

6) You're roommate hasn't left yet.
[No need to get up yet if they're still in the shower, right?]

5) You like your alarm clock.
[Especially since it's your phone's ringtones. Lauryn Hill's To Zion? I'll sleep to that!]

4) You're sick.
[Unless I have to expel something, my body ain't budgin.]

3) You don't wanna go to school/work.
[130 days outta 135 is good enough, right? Cool. zzZZzz.]

2) That certain someone from last night is still in your bed.
[Why can't they catch a hint? Is literally kickin them slowly out of bed not effective enough?]

1) Intense dreaming in progress.
[Dreams should never be interrupted. Never!]

Have a Top 10 Reasons you want me to run down?
Obv, just let me know.
I'll prob be open to it.
Word.

The Toilet Seat Theory

I forget when, where, and who,
but a female friend was complaining about how guys leave the seat up after they go to the bath room.
You know, cause sometimes they don't look, so sometimes they fall in... .
..and nobody wants to touch toilet water in any way possible.

She explained that by probability,
the down position is the most reasonable start.
Because men only stand to piss, but sit to shit, a
nd women both pee and poop while sitting. [
Yes. Believe or not, they do dodo. Haha
Remember that one book, guys: Everybody Poops.]
That's a 3 to 1 ratio for the toilet seat being down.

She then went on to say
how her father complained about the toilet paper
running out faster when she came home from college.
It's her, her parents and a sister.
3 of those people are constantly using the TP when in the bathroom.
So yes, it makes sense that it would run out faster.

Seeing this, I proposed a theory or hypothesis if you prefer.
Regarding chromosomes,
you know how guys have a X and a Y
and the gals have two Xs.
Well, consider this:
Women
X - #1 - seat down - toilet paper used
X - #2 - seat down - toilet paper used
Men
X - #2 - seat down - toilet paper used
Y - #1 - seat up - toilet paper not used

I thought I was quite clever when I came up with this.
So, yes it all makes sense.
The seat should be left down,
or at least put back to that position.
But then, why is this often not followed?
Because.. well, men can be a little self-centered sometimes.
It's just more convienent. We piss more than we shit.

In a sense, sad to say,
men have to be trained.
That's how my mother did me.
She said if I didn't put it down I was in trouble.
It also helped that the seat was too padded to leave up,
it would fall down while I was peeing.
I would have to hold it up with a my hand or knee.
But I still needed a hold open the zipper and aim too.
It was difficult.
So much so that... yes...
I said fuck it and just pissed sitting down.
That's right I said it.
I piss sitting down... sometimes.
Not all the time, I'm growing out of it. Haha
What? I ain't feel like getting yelled at for peeing on the seat,
cause back then I was reckless and would leave it.
Once again, I've been trained to clean it up.

So women,
if you want your man to put the damn seat down,
slowly explain my theory to him,
how it's just easier for everyone,
and have a punishment in place if he doesn't comply.
Word.

Dumb Products

As seen on TV,
you know em,
you wonder why the fuck they exist,
and you laugh about them uncontrollably.

The Snuggie
The blanket with sleeves!
Also known as the backwards robe.
The commercial is hilarious.
Especially when there's just a mob of people
at a football game in them.
If they weren't different colors,
I woulda thought they was the Klan.
Matter a fact... maybe they the gay chapter.
It could happen. Haha.
The straw that broke the camel's back
was when I heard they had it for dogs too.
Really though?
White people will buy anything, I swear.
Do you know the band Weezer is actually
in an edition of the commercial?
Legit. And you get a free copy of their new CD when you buy a snuggie.
Some bands just love to whore themselves.
But if you do buy it, I suggest the leopard print one. Haha

The Shake Weight
Oh My Gawd.
I died laughing when I first saw it.
Basically it's this dumbbell that you shake back and forth with both arms.
This product is for the ladies.
But.. the commercial....
It makes them look like they giving a handjob!
Did the marketers not realize this?
Or maybe they just thought the joke would make people buy it.
Yeah, that's a real workout for the forearms.
I'm sure those women make their men extremely happy.
Recently, no lie,
there's a commercial advertising it to men.
Even to me, I had to exclaim "Gaaaayyy!!!"
You have to see it.

Those are the two stand out products that come to mind right now.
But if I think of anymore, I'll add them.
Feel free to suggest some too.
I always enjoy a good laugh.
Word.

What's War to Me?

Warning: this post comes from a completely ignonart stance.
I do not know the facts.
I am goin from overviews and hearsay.
Said, but true.

So, remember when I said I was gonna start with the current events?
Well, this is one of em.

So, here's what I know
.Obama is planning on sending 30,000 to Afghanstan,
thus tripling the troops over there when he first got in office.
Um... I thought he was tryna pull em out?
Is this like some weird math equation?
By adding 30,000 to x amount of current soldiers for y amount of time it equals zero troops in z months?

"We must reverse the Taliban's momentum. ... And we must strengthen the capacity of Afghanistan's security forces and government." -Obama
But um... shouldn't we let them worry about that themselves?
They're a developing nation.
They can handle themselves.
If not, the UN can step in with their... army? Never mind.

But you know,
as ignorant as I may be about this war (or these wars),
I don't think my generation know much more than I do.
I hope I'm wrong, but I don't know.
I was in my theology class today,and for some reason we were discussing the war in Iraq.
We were going through some of the criteria for just causes of war.
The teacher picked out like 5, and we had to agrue if the US checked yes or no in each category.
The yes side seemed to fill up fast.but the no time took more thought.
And the yes answers were vague at that.
It kinda scared me.
We're informed enough to know why we're over there,
but not enought to legitamently agrue against it.

It got me to thinking,
what if I got drafted?
The thought never came to mind.
The middle east is far away.
And I never considered myself a legit candidate to go over there.
Never even thought I'd know anyone over there.
But fact is, I have a few high school friends in the service.
And my sister is in the Air Force.
I guess things are just starting to become real to me.
And to think it only took 8 years or so for it to hit.
[But if I do get drafted, I'm punking out.
Sorry. Me write; me no fight. Haha.
I'd make my asthma act up something vicious.]

But yeah,
with all this said,
I'll def be paying more attention to what's goin on overseas.
Actually start listening to the reasons
instead of just being against it from the jump.
Cause that's just ignorant...
isn't it?
Word.