December 4, 2009

The Toilet Seat Theory


I forget when, where, and who,
but a female friend was complaining about how guys leave the seat up after they go to the bath room.
You know, cause sometimes they don't look, so sometimes they fall in... .
..and nobody wants to touch toilet water in any way possible.

She explained that by probability,
the down position is the most reasonable start.
Because men only stand to piss, but sit to shit, a
nd women both pee and poop while sitting. [
Yes. Believe or not, they do dodo. Haha
Remember that one book, guys: Everybody Poops.]
That's a 3 to 1 ratio for the toilet seat being down.

She then went on to say
how her father complained about the toilet paper
running out faster when she came home from college.
It's her, her parents and a sister.
3 of those people are constantly using the TP when in the bathroom.
So yes, it makes sense that it would run out faster.

Seeing this, I proposed a theory or hypothesis if you prefer.
Regarding chromosomes,
you know how guys have a X and a Y
and the gals have two Xs.
Well, consider this:
Women
X - #1 - seat down - toilet paper used
X - #2 - seat down - toilet paper used
Men
X - #2 - seat down - toilet paper used
Y - #1 - seat up - toilet paper not used

I thought I was quite clever when I came up with this.
So, yes it all makes sense.
The seat should be left down,
or at least put back to that position.
But then, why is this often not followed?
Because.. well, men can be a little self-centered sometimes.
It's just more convienent. We piss more than we shit.

In a sense, sad to say,
men have to be trained.
That's how my mother did me.
She said if I didn't put it down I was in trouble.
It also helped that the seat was too padded to leave up,
it would fall down while I was peeing.
I would have to hold it up with a my hand or knee.
But I still needed a hold open the zipper and aim too.
It was difficult.
So much so that... yes...
I said fuck it and just pissed sitting down.
That's right I said it.
I piss sitting down... sometimes.
Not all the time, I'm growing out of it. Haha
What? I ain't feel like getting yelled at for peeing on the seat,
cause back then I was reckless and would leave it.
Once again, I've been trained to clean it up.

So women,
if you want your man to put the damn seat down,
slowly explain my theory to him,
how it's just easier for everyone,
and have a punishment in place if he doesn't comply.
Word.

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