On Looking Suspicious

There just seems to be all kinds of f**kery occurring in March.
By now, we've all heard about the death of Trayvon Martin
and the possibly most likely racist self appointed head of the neighborhood watch who shot him.
Here's an article if you haven't.

Through the years, there have been far too many instances of a black person, more specifically a black male, looking suspicious enough to justify a beating or murder with a very slow legal process following, if any at all.
It's enough to terrify a young black man.
Certainly enough to scare me.

As usual, I avoided looking into the situation
because I knew it would only infuriate me and I like having pleasant days.
But these sort of things always find their way to me.
Today in my writing seminar,
we talked about the massacre of 16 Afghans -
which is another very important issue and discussion.
Of course, a relation was made to Trayvon and we talked about it.
Midway through the conversation, the topics racial profiling and suspicion arose.

I avoided adding my two cents in the conversation,
being the only kid of color in the room,
forcing me to have an internal dialogue.
I realized what I was wearing: a red and black plaid lightweight hoodie,
black shorts, red Chuck Taylors, and an ironically outdated red fitted cap I found.
I realized where I was: a extremely white campus where topics of race and discrimination are avoided by the majority.
I realized the person I was molding myself into: a self-proclaimed black hipster who knew how to interact with Caucasians and educated black folk, while gained the trust and respect of said individuals.
It was at this moment I became aware of what I was doing: becoming as far from "suspicious" as possible.

It's hard to pinpoint if I actively set out
to accomplish this as a high school graduate
and consciously forgot my mission along the way,
but I wouldn't put it pass myself.

Still to the best of my abilities,
I can't escape the feelings that I don't belong.
Whenever I walk through a predominantly white neighborhood,
I still feel the need to tread lightly.
I utterly refuse to run through such neighborhood.
Actually, I wouldn't run pass a cop car either.
No need to give them any reason to berate me.

In light of the 9/11 attacks,
you would think white would target middle easterners instead.
In fact, I remember jokes around black neighborhoods
wishing such would actually happen.
The reality of the situation is that
the terrorists are not on our soil but overseas.
Whereas African-American hoodlums are a prominent issue here.

Am I saying stereotyping as such is acceptable? No.
Do I propose anything to fix this issue? Yes,
but such a theory deserves sharing with other and feedback before becoming public.
What I will say is this.
To this day in the 21st century,
I am still cautious about being a black man in America.
I do not deserve such a terror to haunt me.
Yet I fear it may loom forever over us.
Word.