INT. REGAN & WEINSTEIN ADVERTISING, MAIN OFFICE - DAY
Kimora, a 20-something, curvy Korean-American, is making copies for her presentation when her coworker Lauren, a 30-something, walks up to her. They are both dressed conservatively.
Lauren:
Hey, Kim! How was your long weekend?
Kimora:
(side-eyeing her coworker for not using her whole name) It was alright, Lauren. Yours?
Lauren:
Oh, you know, just hung with my husband and kids all weekend. Grilled out yesterday. Can you believe how warm it's been? I don't know how that Tangerine can deny global warming. (laughs)
Kimora:
Didn't you vote for him? (another side-eye)
Lauren:
(pauses) But you know, I did let my girl friend drag me out of the house Saturday night. Let Bryan take care of the kids for once. (laughs while Kimora does not) Yeah, we went over to Station North for this burlesque karaoke show. It was so. Cool.
[Kimora freezes in her tracks and tries to find the nearest fire exit]
Kim, I had no idea you were that limber; the way you just backflipped onto that woman’s lap while your partner sung that John Legend song: Ordinary Somebody's. Also, your confidence in your body, I mean, I could never.
Kimora:
(snapping out of it) Alright, listen here. 1) You know my name is Kimora. And 2) (she looks around and whispers) Keep your voice down. What I do on my own time is my own business.
Lauren:
Aw, Kim, there's nothing to be embarrassed about. Everyone has their own brand of fun.
Kimora:
I didn't even see you in the crowd.
Lauren:
Oh, we stayed by the door the whole time. We didn't want to be caught in such a scandalous place. I mean, I couldn't even bring myself to Snapchat any of it. I think my friend might have, though. I wonder if she saved it. I can ask h--
Kimora:
Lauren, why are you even bringing this up right now? Don't you have a proposal to draft?
Lauren:
Oh, that can wait. Besides, I just wanted to take this opportunity to become better friends. You know, bond over secret lives: me as an adventurous seer of shows and you as an even more adventurous performer of burle--
Kimora:
Keep your voice down. Look, I’m just here to work. Sorry, but I’m not here to make friends.
Lauren:
Ok, Ms. America’s Next Super Consultant. (laughs at her own joke)
[Cèsar, a hispanic gentleman from IT, walks by them and waves]
Lauren:
What about him? I see the two of you talk all the time.
Kimora:
He doesn’t count; we knew each other before I started here.
Lauren:
Hold on a sec. (yells) Did you sleep with him to get this job? Kim, I had no idea.
Kimora:
Oh my god, Lauren, shut up and go back to your desk.
Lauren:
Alright, alright, I’m going. But you can’t tell me what to do; you’ve only been here two months longer than me.
Kimora:
(picks up the copies waiting in the tray) Girl, if you don’t.
Lauren:
Ok, bye, see you around Kim!
[Lauren leaves and Cèsar circles back around cackling]
Cèsar:
What, just cause I have a penis now I’m not your type?
Kimora:
You were watching the whole time, weren’t you?
Cèsar:
You already know. (he eats a thin cookie)
Kimora:
Cèsar, you said you’d watch out for me here, make sure I don’t blow up on anybody.
Cèsar:
Yeah, but that was too funny. Plus, she basically has it coming, Kimora. You know nobody around here likes Lauren. You’ll probably end up the hero of the office. Gotta change your stance on office friendships, tho. The whole “Say No to Coworkers” policy doesn’t suit your environment. You know it’s who you know around here, and I can only get you but so far.
Kimora:
I really wish I found I.T. interesting.
Cèsar:
But no, you like convincing people through pretty pictures and lies. It’s admirable, though. Definitely an art to it. So, what this show she was tryna embarrass you for and why wasn’t I invited?
Kimora:
Honestly, it was last minute.
[Cèsar gives Kimora a disbelieving look]
Kimora:
Ok, Hakeem and I knew about this a month ago.
Cèsar:
You invited Hakeem and not me?!
Kimora:
No… he performed, too.
Cèsar:
Oh, bitch.
Kimora:
But hey, you woulda been so proud of us; we made it to the final round and everything. Not bad for my first time stripping with flair, you know.
Cèsar:
And Hakeem has them pipes, yeah, go on. It sounds like you lost.
Kimora:
(more side-eye) I mean, yeah, we did. But it wasn’t fair. You remember Randy?
Cèsar:
Randy, Randy… oh, the lil’ latin boy that used to do drag. Ooo, that mug could move.
Kimora:
Yeah, we’ll apparently he’s a go-go dancer now.
Cèsar:
Ooo….
Kimora:
That boy might as well have had a leaf over his junk and asshole. For one number he even had a pie. We had to go up head-to-head for the last round. And Hakeem can sing but so could Randy’s partner. Basically, he danced circles around me. So I go up to him afterwards and I ask him,”Lil’ latin boy who used to do drag, why must you win everything?” And do you know what he told me?
Cèsar:
What he say?
Kimora:
He says..
Randy (V.O.):
I can’t help it if I have an ass the audience actually wants to see, darling. (tongue pops)
Cèsar:
Damn, you can take the lil latin boy outta drag...
Kimora:
But you can’t take the cunt out of his tone.
[another coworker walks by]
Cèsar:
Yeah, maybe it is best you don’t say much around here. I forgot how filthy your mouth is.
[Cèsar walks away eating more thin cookies as Kimora stands there more embarrassed than ever. The machine finishes printing her copies.]
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